Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Waiting for Katoh: Romancing the Iron Bull, Part 2

Bull's relationship with the Inquisitor is complex and potentially risky.
But a romance is worth the risk.
Inquisitor: It's a little unnerving that you have this down to a system.

Iron Bull: Systems are comfortable. And my goal is for you to get... very comfortable.


Spoilers for Dragon Age: Inquisition!


NOTE—CONTENT AND POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING: This post includes some respectful yet candid, open and potentially NSFW discussion of The Iron Bull's DAI romance (and its BDSM elements). Please proceed with caution and full awareness.

Welcome to the second part of my analysis of The Iron Bull's romance in Dragon Age: Inquisition. If you're just arriving, please do check out that first article (Part 1) here.

Meanwhile, where were we? Oh, right—I'd been haplessly attempting to romance The Iron Bull with my first innocent blonde Inquisitor (thinking I was on my way to an adorable Beauty and the Beast Disney-esque romance, because my nerdiness knows no bounds). Bull, however, had thwarted those goals, and had instead spent dozens of hours in-game smilingly ignoring her efforts. Months, in game-time. Months. My poor Inquisitor was not a happy camper. (Please note that I'll be generally referring to the Inquisitor as "she" throughout this piece since I'm discussing my own playthrough, but of course as Bull is pansexual, the Inky can be any gender preference the player chooses.)

At first, as I mentioned, I hadn't found Bull attractive—he was intimidating, this big, hulking guy who just wasn't my type at all. But then, as I described, I started to realize what a fantastic and complex character he was, and soon I was gazing at Bull with glowy pink hearts in my eyes, just like pretty much everyone else in Thedas:
Cole: The Iron Bull, a woman in the last village wanted you to pick her up and take her clothes off.
Iron Bull: Most people do.
Cole: In her mind, you were very big.
Iron Bull: Well, that's flattering.
But meanwhile, I wasn't getting anywhere, and my poor Inquisitor's flirts weren't seeming to have any effect at all. Then, although I was trying to avoid spoilers, I saw a comment that eventually Bull would show up in the Inquisitor's quarters when his approval was high enough. So (hilariously) in between flirts, my poor Inquisitor started running back up to her room to see if Bull would show up there. (Just in case you thought this couldn't get anymore embarrassing...)

But my Inky kept flirting, determined to win Bull's heart. And then he finally showed up in my Inquisitor's quarters, and everything changed. And I basically fell out of my chair at the options he presented, because they were a hell of a lot more eyebrow-raising than "So, hey, I got you a rose." 

This was not at all the fairytale I thought I had been pursuing... but it was fantastic writing. And beautifully character-appropriate.

"Last Chance"


If we're assiduous and dedicated in our romancing of Bull, he'll finally
show up with a proposition... and it's a doozy.
First off, the reality: when it comes to romance, Bull's in a league of his own. I mean, let's be honest—a few frilly words with Solas and Cullen and you're making out on the rooftops. 

But as I mentioned, Bull's different. There's no reaction at all... (I always picture him reacting with faint amusement, like, "Nice try, Boss...") Until, one day, finally, there's a reaction. The day arrives, when you've made so many overtures that Bull himself couldn't fail to acknowledge the signals. Victory is yours, on the night Bull shows up in your quarters out of the blue, and he finally makes his move.

But he's got a proposition for you. And it's a doozy. He's not just propositioning you for sex, he's asking you to enter a world that may scare or intimidate you just a little. 


And just like that, BDSM enters the world of mainstream gaming.

Terms and Conditions

When Bull finally takes action, it's fascinating, because from a character and story perspective, he's risking everything on a very specific moment. If Dragon Age: Inquisition were an actual novel (and not the playable novel I believe it actually is), I'd be fascinated to know exactly what caused Bull to go, "Okay. It's time." Was there a specific flirtatious moment? Or was there an outside cause? It would be interesting, for instance, to headcanon a message from the Qun, or even a proactive decision when he recognizes interest in the Inquisitor from a potential rival.


Either way, Bull shows up, and makes his play. If he succeeds, everything's changed. If he fails, it would be interesting to wonder what his backup strategy might be... if he's Qun-loyal, does he then coldly seek out Dorian, for instance? Or is he content to continue to prove himself simply as a captain and companion?

But... on the other hand, this is Bull we're talking about. He knows human nature like nobody else (humans, elves, dwarves, everyone, etc.). He reads signals and micro-signals. He understands how people are wired. Then he acts. And it's interesting that when he does, he's continuing his previous "playing it cool" approach—he's still holding himself back a bit, a little removed and detached. 


Most of all, he's still playing games. Only this time, he wants you to play, too.

I mean, let's face it, Bull could've taken my Inquisitor up on her flirtations, offered her a jolly night in the sack, and he'd have probably been pretty safe doing so. She would've been perfectly happy with this, too, on some level—we already know, from hearsay, that such nights with Bull are perfectly satisfying and that he certainly appears to make sure everyone goes home happy. But as with most situations for Bull, he's thought this through, and he's determined that there's only one specific outcome that works.

And he's quite aware that it's not everyone's cup of tea. Perhaps no other character's romance is as careful about consent as Bull's, and your character can say no to Bull's flirtation with zero hard feelings on either side. Spy or not, secret agenda or not, he's genial and kind in response:

Iron Bull: ...I'm not sure you know what you're asking.  Not sure if you're ready for it. 
Inquisitor (refusing): You're right. Flirting was fun, but it probably wouldn't work out.
Iron Bull: Exactly. So don't worry about it. Let's just keep killing things. We're really good at that. For what it's worth, though... you would've been walking funny the next day. Anyway, nice talking with you. Have a good one.
I mean, Bull handles rejection like a champ here (and elsewhere, as our Inquisitor can turn him down here, break it off the morning after, or when their romance is discovered, among other occasions). I really like that he's not kidding about there being zero repercussions or hard feelings.

An Object of Obsession

Meanwhile, let's get back to motives for a moment. If Bull's motive was simply to seduce the Inquisitor, he could've done this months ago, couldn't he? And if his goal was just sex, again, wasn't this already within reach for him fairly quickly?


Instead, he's still playing chess, still being strategic to shore up his position in the long game. From a character standpoint, my impression is that he's willing to risk losing because he's confident enough in his own skills, his own abilities at reading and understanding human nature, to do so. 

My take here, in fact, is that he's willing to gamble because if he's right in his assessment here (whether Qun-loyal or Tal-Vashoth, depending on the outcome of "The Demands of the Qun"), Bull won't just have the Inquisitor as a casual bedmate, he'll be providing them with a relationship whose demands satisfy a need previously unrecognized within the Inquisitor herself, and in ways only he can satisfactorily meet. In short, he's positioning himself fairly coldly to be the object of a sexual obsession. And he'll gain a potential (and high-ranking) chesspiece in his play to both control or affect the Inquisition as well as for his potential return to the Qun as a power player despite his past sins (at least, as an option).

Which is where the BDSM aspect of Bull's romantic proposition to the Inquisitor comes into the picture.


It shouldn't be surprising that, in the bedroom, as elsewhere, Bull's secretly all about power dynamics... and exploiting those for his own benefit.

Bull's proposition is alluring but also genuinely fraught. Keep in mind... you're
being asked for total trust by someone who's already openly told
you why you shouldn't trust him.
 
Waiting for Katoh

It'd be one thing for Bull to make his move as an uncomplicated typical romantic overture. Basically, the kind of scenario where he'd say, "Hey gorgeous, Bull here. If you're agreeable, let's finally hook up!"

It's quite another for him to show up in your quarters unannounced (a great and subtle way to start the scenario with the Inquisitor off-balance), to say, "So... I've gotten the messages. I get what you want. And it's tempting. So let me make you an offer in return: What if I promise to give you everything you want, plus that escape you crave, but only on my terms, and at the sacrifice of full control, in a scenario that demands your absolute trust? While, in addition, possibly changing your entire outlook on who you thought you were?"

Um... No big deal, right? The only problem is... Bull is asking for that absolute trust, that willingness to be completely vulnerable... after he himself has already openly told us, at that point, numerous times, why he himself should not be trusted. If we're paying attention. So it's a pretty fascinating and fraught situation from a story standpoint, and one that provides the potential for a surprising amount of tension and drama. And if he's working an agenda, and we don't gain his loyalty (in "Demands of the Qun") the outcome of the story that begins here is truly heartbreaking at the conclusion of "Trespasser." (People, save the Chargers. Just please, always save the Chargers.)


Meanwhile, no matter what Bull's agenda here... as I mentioned, Bull makes his move with care, respect and delicacy. He ensures consent—not once, not twice, but three separate times. The consent aspect is important and even somewhat poignant if you think about it, because Bull himself comes from a culture in which sexual consent, at least in the big-picture sense, is nonexistent. In life under the Qun and elements like the Qunari breeding programs, what or who you want personally doesn't matter. The Qun is all about the collective good. Individuals either assimilate, do what they're told (or who they're told), or they die. 

All of this is why, for me, Bull's emphasis on consent here is a vital and very telling character note. (It's also why criticisms of that consent scenario drive me batty, but more on that farther down.)

The issue of consent is doubly important in Bull's scenario from a larger standpoint, I'd further argue, precisely because lack of consent has been such a troubling yet consistent aspect of other BDSM representations in popular entertainment, most notably, in stuff like 50 Shades of Grey. (Full disclosure: I haven't read it, but in researching this, I became aware of the criticisms of the romance and its issues with consent and abuse.) The emphasis Dragon Age: Inquisition places on an empowered and consenting relationship is therefore, to me, culturally important and responsibly done.


Okay, We're Definitely Not in Hyrule Anymore...

In a big-picture sense, seriously, all of this is pretty complex and surprising stuff for a videogame. Because it puts the player/protagonist into a situation in which they might very well react in any number of ways—with discomfort or outright disgust, with amusement or interest, or with enthusiasm and delighted approval, et cetera. (What's interesting is that the Bioware team was evidently initially very concerned at the reactions from players and was subsequently pleasantly surprised when Bull's romance was a non-issue for the vast majority.)

Keep in mind that, strategically (if it occurs before "Demands of the Qun"), Bull has everything to lose here in terms of the political coinage he's acquired with the Inquisitor over his time with the Inquisition. Yet he's willing to risk it, because he's gambling as always on his proven ability to read other people. He's basically saying, "Okay, I'll give you what you want... but only on my terms... if you agree." While pretty much already assuming he knows the choice they'll make.

Right away, when he shows up in the Inquisitor's chambers, Bull presents her with a series of choices. The short answer? He's still making sure we're chasing him (and his approval). It's all so smart, and so much fun from a writing standpoint. Sure, he's there, he's willing... but there's also that palpable sense that Bull's also pretty uninvested in the outcome (at least by all appearances). He's acknowledging the flirtations, but he's also halfway out the door. It's calm and deliberate—a far cry from Solas's, Cass's or Blackwall's passionate declarations of desire or love even against their better instincts, simply because they cannot help themselves. Instead, with Bull, it's slightly cold, almost amused.

But either way, he makes his offer, and we can respond. And once the Inquisitor consents the third time (in an agreement that's either more innocent and romantic or that's more worldly and experienced), we end on a real smile from Bull, an embrace... and then a quick fade to black. 

(Honestly, maybe that fade to black was perhaps a little too quick. I'm just sayin'...)

The little post-bedroom scene where Leliana encounters Bull is often overlooked
for its significance. Bull turns away the most terrifying person in the Inquisition
to first, give the Inky her promised rest, and also (subtly) to establish dominance.
Power Plays

But we don't jump to the next morning, as we might expect. Intriguingly, instead, we're shown a moment when The Iron Bull is leaving the Inquisitor's chambers, and he's confronted by Leliana, who is stopping by to ask the Inquisitor for input on an Inquisition matter.

Bull's response there is to tell her no, point-blank. He sends Leliana away—Leliana, our leader, spymaster, and warrior-nun. The person nobody says no to. And he does so with a shrug. It's intriguing and textbook Bull: "Let her rest," he says, coolly meeting the eyes of the most terrifying person in all of Skyhold. He's at ease. He's also amused, relaxed, and confident. And Leliana, visibly thoughtful about this unexpected development, departs without further comment. (And I love that she never, ever says a word about what she knows here. Nobody keeps secrets like our Nightingale.)

In an obvious sense, Bull's just done some oddly positive things here. He's—it's certainly implied—provided the Inquisitor with the escape and release she needed. He's also fended off potential interruptions and made sure she gets some much-needed rest.

And yet.

He's also just made a major power move. He just told Leliana, in no uncertain terms, that he's now a factor in the Inquisitor's life. It can be taken as selfish ("I'm someone you need to take note of") or unselfish ("I'm here to make sure you give her the space she needs"). Or a combination of the two.

For me, the headcanon read on this scene depends on what the outcome was to "The Demands of the Qun." If we saved the Chargers, Bull has no more need to apply ulterior motives, and he's simply doing what he's best at—caregiving and protecting. If we chose to sacrifice the Chargers, however, Bull's motives immediately get a lot murkier. (So much so that it's going to have to be a whole separate blog post in the future.)

Meanwhile, my Inky got her night with Bull. And I'm assuming it was fabulous and delightful and probably earth-shattering on a number of levels. But she certainly had some questions the morning after (and so did I).

The best part is? He answers them.


It's interesting that Bull's morning-after discussion is much warmer, to me, than
the scene of his initial seduction, which is quite cold (if also hot).
Warnings and Watchwords

It's interesting that Bull's seduction has a decidedly cool element, a visible detachment, yet he's so much warmer and kinder the morning after. This could be an expected result of the intimacy of their previous night together. Or it may also simply indicate that he's more confident and not feeling the need to hold himself at arms' length anymore.

Regardless, Bull's actually very approachable the next morning, if we choose to go ask him to talk with us about what happened the night before. He's genial, friendly and open—surprisingly so (my favorite part of this early conversation is when we first try to talk to him about the previous night, Bull assumes we just want some therapeutic advice on physical comfort in the aftermath, responding cheerfully that, "I can show you some stretches...").

Then he realizes what the Inquisitor wants to talk about, and they sit down together in her quarters, and just... talk. In an extended, smart, literate, and mature dialogue sequence about what they did, how the Inquisitor feels about it, what each wants, what he's offering, the rules of engagement, what the boundaries are, and where those boundaries end. He also addresses, bluntly, the psychology behind his choices.

And here's where it gets fascinating. He reveals to you at this point, fairly candidly, how he thinks you're wired and what he thinks you need. He admits that he's using his Ben-Hassrath training to intuit this stuff, but also that he's using those powers for good:

Inquisitor: I'm still not sure how to react to the things we did.
Iron Bull: If you're limping, I can show you a few stretches that'll take care of it.
Inquisitor: That's not what I meant.
Iron Bull (pausing): You don't say. Found a part of yourself you didn't know was there before...
The Inquisitor doesn't answer. 
Iron Bull (more gently): Ben-Hassrath training, remember? Grew up learning to manipulate people. When it's a hostile target, you give them what they want. But when it's someone you care about, you give them what they need.
Inquisitor: So if I agree, how does this... work?
Iron Bull: Outside this room, nothing changes. You're the Inquisitor. You're the Boss. I will never hurt you without your permission. You will always be safe. If you are ever uncomfortable, if you ever want me to stop, you say "katoh" and it's over. No questions asked.
Inquisitor (one of several minor varying options): It's a little unnerving that you have this down to a system.
Iron Bull: Systems are comfortable. And my goal is for you to get... very comfortable. 
When we talk to Bull the morning after, if we ask for a different relationship, he's
surprisingly uncompromising: "This is who we are. It'd be disrespectful to what
you need to treat you any other way. If it doesn't work for you, though,
I understand. No hard feelings."
My favorite part of this exchange is the way Bull is employing his usual talent for lying with the truth, and hiding in plain sight. 

Just as he told us he was a spy the moment we met, here he points out that his Ben-Hassrath training is enabling him to manipulate the Inquisitor, and that he is blatantly doing so... but he's doing so (or so he implies) for good, not ill. For our benefit. And if we saved the Chargers in Bull's personal loyalty quest (turning him into a true rebel by necessity—a Tal-Vashoth), this is true. If we sacrificed the Chargers and he remains loyal to the Qun, things here are, as mentioned, actually pretty dark. But more on that later.

Either way, what Bull doesn't do, at any point, is compromise. Instead, Bull lays out the scenario for the two of you going forward. The crux of his approach: To put it somewhat demurely, Bull gets to drive. The Inquisitor will have to agree. He will not compromise, as noted in a further conversation and partial negotiation they may have later on (all of these dialogues were written with his usual eloquence and subtlety by Patrick Weekes, who wrote Bull, as well as Solas and Cole in his Dragon Age: Inquisition appearance). 

What You Need

The Inquisitor can then return to Bull for a third conversation, and this was my favorite of the three, because the writing allows the Inquisitor a variety of character options--they can ask a dozen questions, or they can commit right away. They can show confidence, or admit to vulnerability or insecurity—for example, asking Bull if the BDSM is an aspect of any of his other relationships, for instance, with the serving girls or others Bull has bedded in the Inquisition. Bull's answer there is simple: Nope. Because that's not what the serving girls needed. He's wired to give people what he perceives they need, so each scenario for him is different and unique.

Bull further elaborates below (note that he starts out with a clear statement that he's committed to you, absolutely, as of this moment—that there's nobody else, until or unless you end things):
Iron Bull (speaking about his previous dalliances): I mean, I used to. Long as we're doing this, you've got my complete attention.
Inquisitor: You told me that this is what I needed. What did you mean by that?
Iron Bull: You're the Inquisitor. You didn't ask for the job, but you've taken on the responsibility. You've got thousands of lives riding on your decisions. You bear that weight all day. You need a place where you can be safe, knowing someone else is in charge for a bit. 
Inquisitor: So if this is a conscious decision for you, could you do something else if I wanted you to?
Iron Bull: No. This is who we are. It'd be disrespectful to what you need to treat you any other way. If it doesn't work for you, though, I understand. No hard feelings.
Inquisitor: What about what you need?
Iron Bull: Hey, I'm good. I am better than good. You don't trouble yourself on that front. Old Iron Bull is just fine.
It's interesting to me that Bull's highest allegiance here is to what the Inquisitor needs. It's the thing he's most drawn to as a nurturer, spy or no spy, that ability to fulfill that, and it's something he won't compromise on. He even calls it out specifically, that "It would be disrespectful to what you need to treat you any other way." He won't do otherwise... even if it's in his best interests politically. And, typical for Bull, he utterly discounts what he himself might need out of the relationship (I find this weirdly moving, and would certainly of course headcanon that the Inquisitor is generous and attentive regardless of this statement—he deserves it).

Either way, these conversations while certainly a bit edgy for the mainstream, really shouldn't be. Speaking as something of a bumbling semi-human toon myself (when it comes to, like, non-pixellated romances), I found them intelligent, insightful and respectful, and had no issues with Bull's romantic narrative in any way. Besides, in service to the story, ultimately, to me it's powerful, it's emotional, and best of all, it's also responsibly and affectionately set forth. It's true to who these characters have been painted to be. 

I definitely appreciate that there are (to me, at least) no issues regarding consent, physical or emotional danger, or of power abuse, unlike popular and often irresponsible representations of BDSM across much of entertainment media (cough, 50 Shades of Grey). Ultimately, as someone unfamiliar with that culture, my own reaction to the portrayal of Bull's romance as a depiction of BDSM, after reading a fair amount of discussion (both pro and con), is that it has been handled here with real responsibility, as well as with sensitivity and a clear understanding of both the characters, the lifestyle, and of human nature by Weekes and the rest of the Dragon Age creative team. I think in that way that the romance storyline is a pretty significant milestone for inclusivity, and should be celebrated as such.

Responsible Representation

However, not everyone agrees with me. Beyond his romance with Dorian (which as I've noted, I don't think was remotely abusive and will address in more detail in the future), there's been some heated discussion about Bull and his relationship with the Inquisitor. So it was interesting to wade into that minefield. Some felt there were consent issues (which I cannot understand at all, given what we're provided here), some had issues with his assumption that the Inquisitor is submissive, while still others felt that Bull's "take it or leave it" approach to the relationship was somehow triggering.

Again, I don't get any of these critiques or find them viable.

First off, Bull's assumption that the Inquisitor is seeking a submissive role in the bedroom is an easy thing to address within the story—you can either headcanon that he's right, or hey, you turn him down. It's not difficult. Me, I thought it was a believable character note for a number of reasons—it spotlighted Bull's insights into human nature in an unexpected way (and keep in mind, Bull is shown to be scarily accurate about reading people in this way), it provided a scenario in which our protagonist is actually challenged about their own perceptions of what they want in the bedroom (and how often does that happen in a game?), and it explored Bull's caregiver tendencies in ways that were complex and even potentially disquieting... and yet lovely, too.

Because Bull's immediately all in. If we agree, he's 100% monogamous and focused only on us, on giving the Inquisitor whatever is needed. And this caregiver aspect isn't just subtext to me, but actual text. The entire relationship is, in my own view, presented as genuinely healing, and so many people miss that about Bull's romance. Yes, there are power dynamics at work here, of course, but there's also something gentle about what Bull's offering the Inquisitor—it's not ever presented as harsh or scary; it's not the cliche of whips and chains (not that there's anything wrong with that, if that's what floats your boat), but is instead rather a safe haven. There's a genuine element of fantasy and play to it, and we see both aspects, the gentleness and the fantasy element, in the scene where Bull and the Inquisitor are interrupted later on. 


And while it's true that Bull may in fact eventually betray you (if you betrayed him), that happens on the battlefield. Never in the bedroom. No matter what you chose when it came to his loyalty mission, by all appearances he keeps his promise and the Inquisitor's bedroom remains a safe and separate space.

Regardless. Not everyone will be into what Bull proposes, nor will they take him up on it once he sets the stage for what he wants to provide. And in those cases it's then, luckily, quite easy to say "Nope," and move on. 


Arguing the Dynamics

I think this is a key point many people don't get. It's not abuse for Bull to request a specific kind of relationship, giving us the choice to accept or refuse. It would be abuse if we had no choice, or if he changed those dynamics without warning. But here, he's being absolutely forthcoming about what will take place if we agree, and we therefore have the power to respond with 'yes' or 'no.' It's really that simple.

Does Bull insist on a specific sexual preference or dynamic to his relationship going forward? Yes. Yes, he does. And he's clear about that.

I have no problem with this. I'd further argue that Bull has every right to set forth what he wants from a sexual relationship, and so does anyone else. Our Inquisitors can at that point either agree to his terms and proceed, or turn him down. Again, it's not rocket science. And there are zero actual problems in how he presents the choice (again, Bull asks for consent and checks in with the Inquisitor on her feelings multiple times, both here and as the romance progresses). The Inquisitor is further given full agency over her relationship and her decisions at every single conversational moment with Bull that follows. She can reject him at any time.

I mean, what more could Bioware have done?

Some people have argued, however, that because the Inquisitor can't change the terms of the relationship, that this is somehow abusive. Bullcrackers. Nobody has universal say in the bedroom, nor should they. Those who like what Bull's proposing can take him up on it. Those who want something different, or that he's not willing to give? You're simply out of luck. That's not how people work. Or sex. Or relationships. Everyone has preferences, and difference is the spice of life.

Anyway.

If you're interested in some intelligent further discussion of Bull's romance from an insider standpoint when it comes to BDSM, along with rebuttals to some of the general issues and critiques I reference above, I found the process of researching points of view on these issues to be complex, surprising and occasionally eloquent and profound.

Potential double agenda or no, Bull means it when he's fine to walk away.
I've played through all the variations and when Bull promises "no strings,"
he puts his money where his mouth is. It never comes up again. Not once.
I would especially recommend these highly varied and impassioned discussions and analyses by Sonni de Soto, as well as by Schmioware Fandom, or dec92014 on Reddit (and that entire thread on Reddit, with a smart and insightful initial post by Dramatological, is worth a look). However, please note that these blog posts and discussions are very NSFW. But I found them rewarding, insightful and perceptive, and they actually made me more impressed with what Weekes had accomplished with Bull here as a character.

To Speak or Not to Speak

Meanwhile, to me, Bull's pretty careful, thoughtful and thorough when discussing exactly what their relationship will be like if the Inquisitor proceeds. He provides the Qunari word "katoh" as the 'watchword' (or, ahem, safe word) in case the Inquisitor is uncomfortable at any point, then leaves it up to her whether she wants to continue. Bull may have an agenda, but he is also incredibly sincere on the issue of agency in every way. 

And speaking of "katoh," it's probably my one area of minor complaint in the romance. Eventually, the 'watchword' becomes a kind of badge of honor for the Inquisitor—the fact that she never says it, it's implied in a lighthearted way, is because she's adventurous, not afraid of her own limits, and because the two of them are having a terrific time together. 

However, the idea that not saying it is somehow a good thing doesn't work for me. To me, the whole point of "katoh" (especially in the case of a character who is new to these scenarios, I'd imagine) should be that expressing her boundaries or areas of discomfort is not just allowable but is actually healthy for both her as well as for Bull as the relationship begins (I mean, I'd think for most people, there might be, hilariously, "katohs" all over the place to start, as they got comfortable with each other, or maybe I'm just projecting here). But from a story standpoint, I can see why the fact that she doesn't say it (surprising Bull, to say the least) also has an emotional component and says something about her trust in him.

The Offer Beneath the Offer

Regardless, Bull's setting forth the ground rules. And at this moment, if she says that one word ("katoh"), it's over, no hard feelings. And please note—potential double agenda or no, Bull means this—I've played through all the different variations, and when Bull promises "no strings," he puts his money where his mouth is. He's even genial and supportive if the Inquisitor moves on after their night together to romance other companions:
Inquisitor: Katoh.
Iron Bull: Understood. I'll see you later, Boss. (Alternatively: Huh. You got it, Boss.)
But if the Inquisitor questions Bull on his point of view, his reasons, and his goals for the relationship, it's a fascinating conversation, and one of my favorites with romanced companions across the entire Dragon Age landscape. 

This is because Bull's logic for why he wants the relationship to go this way is pretty irresistible, and it's seriously the world's oddest combination of creepy and sweet ever. 

Because... what he's offering your Inquisitor is even more seductive than sex; he's offering escape. As well as open permission to be vulnerable in ways the Inquisitor is simply not allowed to be in daily life. And, quite possibly, it may be the only true escape they've found since becoming Inquisitor. He's saying, "Come with me, play with me; I'll take care of you and you can take your mind away from this apocalyptic time, place and responsibility you never asked for.

I mean, if you'd been catapulted to a position of leadership you'd never wanted or imagined, were surrounded by strangers (many of whom feared, hated or were initially trying to imprison you), had left or lost everyone you'd loved, were suddenly leading a world political power, were managing a magical mark that was also slowly trying to kill you, and the world was falling to hell around you in a rain of demons from the skies...? 

Yeah, I'd think that offer would be pretty damned tempting.

"I Cannot Move My Legs"

Welcome to what is possibly the single funniest scene you've ever seen in
an RPG. Cullen's chuckle is so funny, but Josie's reaction is what makes it art
.
So the romance progresses, we can ask Bull for kisses outside the tavern (complete with a casual smack on the Inky's rear that is slyly funny and well animated), and all is right with Thedas. Everyone's having a great time, apparently.

Then, not long after Bull and the Inquisitor embark on their escapades, there's a scene where Cullen, Cass and Josie happen upon them unexpectedly. It is seriously the funniest scene I've ever seen in a game, and I laugh out loud every time I see it. But there's also more to it than you might expect at second glance—it's actually a lovely and surprising interlude—funnier than you'd anticipate, but also potentially tender (and really sad, as well, depending on your character's choices). Either way, it's a revealing moment in the romance if we look closer.

We open on Bull and the Inquisitor, right after another encounter. Bull's naked and still relaxed in the bed, the Inquisitor dressing in a matter-of-fact, "we've been together awhile now" kind of way. And this is where we catch a glimpse of that gentle hidden aspect to the relationship. Bull's voice is soft: 
Iron Bull: There we go. No Inquisition. No war. Nothing outside this room. Just you, and me. (Pause) So. What'd you want to talk about?
Then Cullen inadvertently walks in. And he realizes what he's walking in on and his body literally tries to march him backward out the door on its own. It's fantastic. Then he settles for covering his eyes against the sight of a naked Bull as if he's a vampire faced with sunlight.

Then Josie comes in. And she freezes in place, mesmerized by the glory that is, evidently, Bull's junk (amusingly and thankfully hidden by the Inky and various other elements as the scene progresses).

Then comes Cassandra as the capper on the scene, and her patented disgusted noise here is probably the best example of that classic Cass-reaction in the entire game. Because she's not really disgusted, just exasperated. Like she's going, "Inquisitor. Bull. The world is falling down and NOW you decide to do this? I am disappointed." And she's of course raising one perfect eyebrow in judgment at the same time.

Anyway... it's one of the funniest things you'll ever see in a videogame, as all three are mortified by the situation and yet cannot look away. Josie's "I just had three shots of Novocaine" face is seriously the best thing ever ("I cannot move my legs..."), while Cullen's little snicker adds a much-needed dash of humor to our often stoic Commander's personality (seriously, when he giggled at this, I went, "Okay, fine, Hot Templar Man, I'll romance you" and added him to my mental list behind Solas...), while Cassandra (perhaps funniest of all) is simply irritated at being faced with the entire situation.

She doesn't give a crap about sex or safe words or orgasms. She's just wondering why you're wasting your time when there is WORK to be done. And given that Cass is DAI's die-hard closet romantic (not to mention there's the matter of her occasional flirtations with Bull in their banters), it's kind of weirdly adorable. I almost wonder if there isn't an element of her protesting a bit too much, but there's no hint of that, so I think ultimately it's simply her allegiance to the Inquisition that's causing her extreme disapproval here. (At least outwardly.)


But it's not all just fun and games. We can commit to Bull here, proud of our relationship with him and absolutely fine with people knowing. Yet, meanwhile, for the unexpectedly sadder ending—if we express embarrassment at being discovered with Bull, it's much more bittersweet, as Bull sacrifices his dignity without a qualm—but only to a point:
Cass: I apologize for interrupting what I assume was a momentary diversion.
Cullen (snickers): Nothing wrong with having a bit of fun.
Josie: Who wouldn't be a little curious? 
Inquisitor: Responds either affirmatively ("Bull and I are together") or ends things, with "This was just a fling" ("Iron Bull and I were just blowing off some steam").
Iron Bull (if option 2 is taken): Yeah, the Boss wanted to ride the Bull. Nothing for anyone to get excited about. 
Inquisitor: Right.
Josie (flustered): I'll just...
Iron Bull (after a pause): Hey, Josephine... you busy later?
Josie actually does pause momentarily (and personally, I hope she looked him up), then they all leave.
Iron Bull: Ah, well. Fun while it lasted.
Inquisitor (being a total jerkface): We don't have to stop.
Iron Bull: Yeah. We do. I was trying to relieve your stress. Not add to it. If you're ashamed of this, I'm doing a crappy job.
Inquisitor: Bull...
Iron Bull: Don't worry about it, Boss. I'll see you later.

Perhaps the most underaddressed aspect of Bull's unique sexual relationship to
the Inquisitor is the element of escape and fantasy he provides.
I love this moment (well, I hate what the Inquisitor's done, but I really like Bull's reaction). I love that Bull will actually turn down the Inquisitor here. So much of Bull's persona is about his support and willingness to give, but at the same time, there needs to be a limit. And the quiet way he walks away in this moment (as he should) when faced with the Inquisitor's shame at being with him is a perfect and necessary character note. He may be a caregiver but the guy has the self esteem to expect better of those he sleeps with... and he should.

However, if we do commit to Bull, it ends very sweetly and on a much happier note:
Iron Bull: You okay Boss?
Inquisitor: You know, I believe I am. But since we have a moment... 
Iron Bull: What's that?
Inquisitor: It's a dragon's tooth, split in two. So no matter how far apart life takes us, we're always together.
Iron Bull: Not often people surprise me, kadan.
Inquisitor: Kadan?
Iron Bull (pulling her down into the bed): Kadan. My heart.
And as you know, if you read this blog, I may have actually let out a squeal at this, because as I have already talked about to a ridiculous degree here, I headcanoned that my original Warden was in love with Sten (and vice versa) even though they both knew it was hopeless. Their only outlet, I believed, was his use of that word, his one way of expressing his hidden feelings. So, in other words, every time Sten called her "kadan," I plotzed a little.

So this was fabulous. (And yes, yes I know that "kadan" can be used in a nonromantic context. I just can't hear you over the la-la-la sounds I'm currently making to ignore that.)

Nobody Says I Love You...

Bull's romance continues to evolve through the DAI story after this point, and again, I found it so refreshing that the game dared to explore the dynamics of a relationship that began with sex and evolved into something more complex. Bull and the Inquisitor are still evidently having sex all over Skyhold, including, evidently, one or two occasions on the War Table itself (Cole informs a delighted party of companions of this fact in one of his highly revealing little banter dialogues about Bull's romance with the Inquisitor, and Blackwall's response is especially funny: "I look forward to informing Cullen!").

But there's still something that hasn't been said—those three little words that determine that there's emotion involved here, and not just sex. And as we know, there's no room for love and sex to occur at the same time traditionally under the Qun.

Then, however, we get a post-coital conversation between Bull and the Inquisitor about how their relationship is going (everyone's very happy, let's just say), and about his surprise that she's never used the safe word he provided. The two then proceed to banter about the potential safe words of our other companions, and as always, it's an opportunity for Bull to show how insightful he really is when it comes to reading other people (and there's a brilliant little moment when his use of a particular Orlesian phrase about Blackwall says volumes about how much he's already figured out about the mysterious Grey Warden and his true backstory, which for most has not yet been revealed at this point in the story). 

It's interesting to note that while Bull and the Inquisitor wonder aloud about the safe words and predilections of many of their companions, a few notable omissions there include Solas (interesting, since I definitely think he'd have one at the ready—as he directly implies in an early flirt scene with a mage Inquisitor), and Dorian. 

Side Note: I would have laughed so hard if Solas's suggested safe word had been "Fade." Come on. Admit it. It's funny. He'd never have even made it through the door on your very first date. And it would've been hilarious.

I think Dorian's omission here, meanwhile, occurs for many reasons—first, because it's another subtle example of Bull judging others and what they need, and I think the implication is pretty clear that Bull doesn't think a BDSM scenario would be ideal for Dorian (with his history of self-loathing, confusion and betrayal, I'd agree, although it's also implied that there are elements of kink to the relationship in other ways). I also think Dorian may not be discussed because he's an alternate-timeline choice for Bull as a romance, and his omission keeps the two stories wholly separate.

Once the relationship is established, the Inquisitor can meet Bull for a kiss
outside the tavern, and it's (as usual with Bull) both funny and charming
.
This interlude can end on a few different genuinely touching emotional notes—in one, the Inquisitor implies love and thanks Bull for being with her even if they don't survive.

Bull interrupts this speech, however, and his broken "Katoh. Stop. I can't... We're coming out of this together." is one of Prinze's most beautiful moments in voice acting the character of Bull. What gets me is that Bull is the first one to use the word in earnest here; he's giving us the rare glimpse of the guy who survived Seheron... and then broke. 

All variations on this scene end with the two falling back into bed together, but the differences in each conversation thread choice are fascinating because the scene can end in exactly the same way each time, yet in one instance it's slightly emotional and intense (the Inquisitor fearing death and Bull comforting her), in another sweetly affecting (the Inquisitor telling Bull she loves him, and him returning the sentiment after responding teasingly), or even playful (as the Inquisitor ends on a lighter tone, telling him this was fun). And it's all lovely and moving... as long as he's Tal-Vashoth. 


The best thing about Bull's romance is the fact that he's offering our
Inquisitor an escape on an emotional level... a favor we can return by
providing literal escape from the Qunari regime that was slowly killing him.
Because, if he's not, once again, this is all empty. An act. Depending on whether we saved the Chargers, or doomed them.

If we saved the Chargers, then I think part of the reason Bull genuinely allows himself to love you is because he's in a freefall of relief at Krem and the Chargers' survival (his family), secret relief at being free of the Qun—while also still navigating his total fear and despair of what he's supposed to do now, combined with the constant fear that he will go "savage" and become Tal-Vashoth.

And of course, add in a healthy amount of guilt because he now must wonder how many Tal-Vashoth he hunted and killed for the Qunari were simply good men like him trying to break free. So to me, it's natural that Bull is more open to the romance and actually allows himself the possibility for love and even commitment.

That is, if you saved the Chargers. And saved the part of himself that had allowed himself to feel and love.

As I've written before here, Bull is innately generous, a giver at heart. The Qun, once upon a time, warped that impulse into something darker and more controlling. Then came the Inquisition, and his own "last chance." Sure, Bull was playing a delicate game at first, and balancing both potential outcomes. But at some point... somewhere along the way, it all became real. He returned to his core self, abandoning power and politics, turning to something he'd never been allowed to imagine existed—real intimacy, commitment and trust.

It's ironic in the end, that while Bull offered our Inquisitor the possibility of escape both emotionally, psychologically, and sensually, the person who achieved the actual escape in the end... was Bull himself. And we're the ones who gave it to him. By saving his self-built family, we saved Bull and (unknowingly) ourselves. And that's the opposite of cold; it's something that goes beyond sex, power or obsession and is simply about love and trust on truly absolute and unshakable levels.

And that's always going to be greater and more powerful than any demands of the Qun.

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