Your Ultimate Map to Dragon Age Inquisition's Skyhold

 

Skyhold has not just been claimed time and again, but sacked as well. We've managed to uncover some remnants, including a scratching under a pillar that mentions the name given by your witch. Old but still long after the place had been built over. But the author knew something of its first purpose, or at least, something of a legend.
— Skyhold Archivist

So here's an embarrassing confession: As much as I adore Dragon Age, unfortunately my innate horrific lack of direction means that I still get lost IN THE MAIN HALL. Every time.

I mean, how many words have I written about Solas's romance? But if you asked me where his quarters were, I'd say, second on the right upon entry into the great hall.

And... I am wrong. Every time.

I just can't seem to get it right. And I have similar mental blocks about plenty of other Skyhold locations. And since I blog about Dragon Age as well as writing fanfiction, this comically means I am CONSTANTLY jumping in and out of the game simply to remind myself of precisely where people are.

Yeah. This is... it's pretty humiliating. I've only been playing the same game for, oh, THREE YEARS?

But finally here, I have rallied my Merrill inner-self and created something I simply couldn't find (which is where most of my blog post ideas come from): An ultimate guide to Skyhold. And believe me, I've Googled!

So here's my take. Luckily, it was incredibly fun (and easy) to do this, because the Keep designed by the BioWare team was so beautiful, huge and comprehensive.

So here goes! Rejoice! Or throw things at me. Really, it's your choice. But I hope this may prove useful to many Dragon Age fans, so here's hoping.



Touring Skyhold

Let's recap: When we first get to Skyhold, there's definitely a need for some housecleaning. While in good overall condition, the castle is pretty decrepit.

At first, we only get access to:

• The Great Hall
• The Throne Room
• The War Room
• The Undercroft (some refer to this level as the Atrium, which I avoid—I just find it misleading)
• Rotunda: Solas's Quarters (and Frescoes)
• Rotunda: The Library
• Rotunda: The Rookery
• The Upper Courtyard
• The Armory
• The Training Grounds
• Several (not all) Battlements and Crenelations

We then open up Skyhold gradually to include following entirety:

• Throne Room
• Great Hall
• Josie's Office
• War Room
• Rotunda (Solas)
• Rotunda (Library)
• Rotunda (The Rookery)
• Rotunda (Leliana's Chapel)
• Cullen's Office
• Cullen's Quarters
• Kitchens
• Inquisitor's Quarters
• Herald's Rest Tavern
• Undercroft (Please note that I've added that so it's visible on all maps)
• Prison
• Vault
• Vault Library
• Vault Treasury
• Wine Cellar
• Guard Tower(s)
• Quarters (Skyhold Main)
• Quarters (Herald's Rest)
• Battlements and Crenelations
• Chapel
• Courtyard
• Garden
• Stables
• Armory and Armory Barracks
• Infirmary
• Requisition Office
• Training Grounds
• Exterior Lawns, Courtyards, Tents and Shelters
• Views of Westernmost Tents and External Watchtowers

Expanding the Maps

In the following maps, I've attempted to really, truly and definitively map ALL of our beautiful and much-adored Skyhold. I've done a little subtle Photoshopping on the maps here and there (primarily to make the Undercroft visible on all levels, simply for structural reasons), but not much—most of it isn't fancy, and is accomplished simply in hopes that I'm providing a more detailed and clear way to find your way around, to explore the game with ease, and to reference it clearly.

The maps are organized as follows:

• Level One (Main Level)
• Level Two (Second Floors Across the Keep)
• Level Three (Third Floors Across the Keep)
• Vaults (All Vault Levels)

Here goes...

Level 1 (Main)

Cullen's office has this weird aspect because it's actually not on a ground floor, but in this case it qualifies because there's apparently nothing underneath.

Level 2 (Second Floors)

Please note that I've corrected Sera's room location and moved Cole to the 3rd floor.



Level 3 (Third Floors)

Among the latest updates, I've corrected Cole's location and proper floor placement.



Please note the updates in the image above. The third level is especially interesting because, as readers Lady Iolanthe and Erica Nichole pointed out, there is a huge tent barracks on both sides of the frozen river to the West. Slightly Southwest, within the circle of the peaks, we an also see individual standing watchtowers (please excuse me as I instantly flash on the fabulous lighting of the beacons moment from The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King—don't judge me). It's a terrific detail I had not only omitted, I've never even seen that view until they alerted me to it! I love how many beautiful details this game provides. There's always something new to discover. Thanks to Joy M., I also fixed Sera and Cole's placement in the Herald's Rest.


Since I use the "Always Night at Skyhold" mod, I've lightened and brightened this a bit, which detracts from the picture quality, but on the other hand, you can clearly see the Inquisition encampments on both sides of the frozen river below, as well as the watchtowers marching off to the left. It's a great detail I would have missed (thank you, readers!).

Level 4 (Vault Levels)




Please note the expanded prison space, which literally drops off in the rear due to that massive ancient foundation-area explosion (Veil raising?), as well as the relocation of the Treasury to what should now be the correct spot (behind the painting at the end of the Vault Great hall).

Lingering Questions

One of the most surprising conundrums I had here was trying to match up the Inquisitor's quarters with the entry below them off the Great Hall, because, well... they don't seem to match up. Because once we enter, we are immediately shown as being substantially to the Northwest of where we were (and yet, still not far from the Great Hall entrance).

Is Skyhold also like the inside of the TARDIS, and bigger on the inside? Hey, nothing would surprise me. Inquiring minds!

Also, as my final and most burning question: Unlike Dragon Age II, however, we see NO SIGN of the privy, so... WHERE ARE THE BATHROOMS? 

(Note: I was kidding here, but I did love this detail in Dragon Age II...) As for me, I hypothesize that Skyhold could possibly have some rudimentary plumbing (which has been around in our world since before the Romans, after all), and that mages could then make quick work out of the need for hot water from there.

And where are the quarters for the rest of the army and inhabitants? Off in those tented encampments? They'd certainly make for brutal living (and I imagine the residents would rotate in and out of Skyhold due to those frigid conditions).

Meanwhile, as best I can quantify, the named aspects of the map offer lodging for approximately 20 additional people. Obviously, Skyhold in fact houses many more people than this. I headcanon this as simply being due to the fact that there's far more of Skyhold than we see. Which I get—the design team did an AMAZING job of creating what we see in as much detail as we get! I'm guessing it probably holds 100 residents easily, and 200 at a pinch.

Missing Rooms and Mysterious Quarters

The little mysterious elements still get me. Who lives in the upper room with the bow on the dresser? Who lives in the quarters with the fascinating (possibly Chasind or Avvar) antler-thing on the chest? Why isn't anyone fixing up the numerous still-decrepit guardrooms and quarters across Skyhold? And—first and foremost—why is that freaking gap still there almost two years later in that hallway to the War Table?! Why doesn't Cullen ever fix his roof?

Also: Is that Bull's room atop The Herald's Rest? My take is: Yes, since it's where he seems to live and hang out, since the room includes an ax in the footboard, and it's also where he's caught canoodling with a romanced Inquisitor, in one of the funniest and most poignant moments in videogames I've ever seen. (I'm biased, of course.)




If you revisit the "Advisors surprise Bull & Inky en flagrante" scene, it's very clear exactly where the scene takes place—the room with the ax in the headboard, top the Herald's Rest. This has reluctantly convinced me that it is, in fact, where Bull probably sleeps.

Although I still think he'd be neater than that. Sure, I think he'd have an ax in the footboard, but I also think his military/Qunari training would make him neater and more precise in general because those are also less revealing on a personal level.

But what do you think? Did I miss anything here? What secrets of Skyhold do you wish you could unravel?

I'd love your ideas and input on anything I got wrong here, or whatever I can add that would be helpful... let me know!

And thanks as always for reading!

NOTE: Ma serannas, readers (Christina, Erica Nichole, Joy M., and Lady Iolanthe)! Thanks to your eagle-eyed feedback, I've updated the Main Floor Map to include the original Surgeon location (near the Tents), as well as adding the Prison to the Vault Map. Please let me know if you see anything else!

Vampires, Dragons and Dreams: The Rewards of Fanfiction

I thought this week I'd talk about what fanfiction—specifically, Dragon Age fanfiction—has meant to me, and how it has inspired me outside of the fandom.

This is going to be a slightly odd post from me, but it's one I feel deeply about, so thanks for bearing with me.

This past week, Archive of Our Own (“AO3”), that many-tiered palace of fanfiction magnificence from the Organization for Transformative Works (OTW), received a Hugo Award nomination, for 2019 Best Related Work. It's a truly historic moment in fanfiction—one that, for the first time, grants a new level of legitimacy, recognition and value to fanfiction writers while also publicly and openly acknowledging the ways in which fanfics can transcend fandoms to enter the larger entertainment and cultural landscape.

Understandably, the reactions across social media from the fanfic community and fandoms (including, of course, Dragon Age, where I take part) were unabashedly delighted. The social media aftermath did, of course, include a few inevitable snide comments from some who felt the juxtaposition of the words "Hugo" and "fanfiction" sullied the works of "real" writers, but the fact remains that it's a huge deal for those who write fanfiction. If you published fanfiction work on AO3 this year? You can now say, albeit with a glint of humor, that you are technically a Hugo nominee.

I'm part of that fanfic community too, and proud to be. So I thought I'd talk about what that has meant to me in this post.

Not least, how much pure fun writing fanfiction can be. 

Variations on a Theme

One of my favorite things about playing Early and Renaissance Music back in college was the idea of "ornamentation." Musically, ornamentation is when you're given a relatively simple stretch of music, but you 'ornament' or 'decorate' that passage with your own twist, often to intensify or add aural texture to (for instance) additional movements or repetitions after the first one. It's basically the centuries-old version of riffing in rock or jazz today—of taking a melody and running with it, giving it your own voice.

When you ornament a melody, do you own what you create? Not usually. Bach or Purcell (or Gershwin or Davis or Sondheim etc.) are still the authors of that original melody, and that's as it should be. But you can change it, play with it, adapt it, and it's your performance. Your own particular variation. You can even use a single ornamentation as inspiration—as a jumping-off place for an entirely new, original melody.

It's fun to play with a melody, to see what you can bring to it. And that's really what fanfiction is, at heart—a chance to riff on a melody you love.

Vampires in Cyberspace

Back in the 90s, just out of college and still trying to find my voice as a fiction writer, I joined a group of Anne Rice enthusiasts writing fanfiction inspired by her universe. At the time, I'd been enchanted by the beautiful writing, and by her florid, Baroque, larger-than-life characters, as well as by the combination of classic Gothic literary elements with ageless, beautiful, wealthy and glamorous figures forever cut off from the modern world. (I wasn't such a fan of the series after book four, but those first four were superb.)

So we started writing together. We were a group of about a dozen writers (aspiring and published), editors, and more who started interweaving shared, individual "journal-type" entries into longer fanfic works on an ongoing basis. We were driven, delighted, and serious about the work. The writing was terrific, and the feedback was steady and consistent. 

And the writing just got better and better. It started with high drama and gothic vampires in the modern world, but in the end, a surprising amount of the work was pretty good stuff—original, distinctive, and evocative. Soon, the fangs weren't even an ongoing element at all. We'd just needed the inspiration of fanfiction to get us going.

As this took place during the Internet's Medieval period, we started out writing together on AOL, then after complaints from Rice's lawyers (Rice was and is staunchly against fanfiction, even though we were a private group and the work was not accessible publicly), we moved across several online services. We went from AOL, to Prodigy, to Genie, where (to silence Rice's people for good) we grudgingly changed the names of all our characters and continued to collaborate happily for several years. To this day, the crackling screech of an old-fashioned modem gives me nothing but a smile of nostalgic joy.

The entire experience was a milestone for me. Not only did we create some good work, within a few years we began to meet up in real-life too, both in New Orleans, as well as individually and in smaller groups through the years. The core group has remained close in life as well as on social media, and several remain treasured friends of mine even decades later.

That experience gave me my first taste of the fun of participating in fandom—one that I was to discover even more powerfully in Dragon Age two decades later. But I'd never quite appreciated just how prophetic and important this experience had truly been for me as a writer.

Until this year.

Words by the Year

At the beginning of my vampire fanfic period, I worked in entry level production and animation for a year or two, then spent two years as a magazine editor (during which time our group's vampire fanfic project naturally faded as we all went off to do our own separate projects). Following that, I spent most of the ensuing two-plus decades as a working freelance writer, on press releases, brochures, media kits, and more. And I'm proud of that. I'm not a household name, but I've published a decent amount of fiction, hundreds of articles and features, and been paid by Writer's Digest and The New York Times Company. In some ways, I did what I had set out to do.

Yet... I'd really always wanted to tell more stories. Unfortunately, far too often, the fiction always had to give way for the other work. It was just one of the side effects of freelancing. So I worked on my stories or infrequent plays at night, and that was still satisfying, although I lagged far behind my other writer friends who were overwhelmingly focused on fiction. Still, I got some work out there, and I was happy about doing that much.

Until three years ago. 

The Deep Roads

I'd had a pretty challenging decade, caregiving my stepfather through terminal cancer, taking a year or two in New York, then returning to battle my Mom's foreclosure while nursing her through a brain tumor that would also ultimately prove terminal. This was followed by the loss of her home and most of its contents and memories, and I moved back to the Northwest to regroup and recover.

It's probably not surprising that, in a kind of delayed reaction, I wasn't exactly creative for awhile after the move.

Even a year or two after relocating, I was still blocked. Not just from writing, but from dreaming. I've always been a daydreaming fool, to the extent that my Dad used to tease me by asking, "What color is the sky in your world?" and I'd laugh. No matter how bad life got before this point, I could always shut my eyes and think of potential worlds and characters. Those dreams were where my stories came from.

Then I stopped. 

Losing the Dreams

Looking back, of course, I realize that I was depressed and traumatized and still coming to terms with everything I'd been through. But within the moment, I couldn't understand it, and didn't know how to deal with it. 

So I didn't.

I ignored it. I worked on my PR and freelancing. I edited stories for others, and was even able to do some editing on unpublished works I had previously drafted or completed in the past. This work gave me the faintest breath, now and then, of the creative impulse, of my desire to tell stories, but it wasn't much.

The hard truth was, for all intents and purposes, when I stopped dreaming, I stopped creating fiction. I had lost all investment in my own work and all belief in my writing abilities when it came to stories or worldbuilding. I felt stale and stagnant. As a storyteller, I just felt like I'd lost something precious. I have a lot of friends who are writers, but I couldn't even share this with them—there was something almost embarrassing about it for me. It was too personal, too painful.

Then last year, for extra frustration, after nearly a year of editing and revision on a new novel draft, for the first time in my life, I lost an entire work (and series of files). In other words, my novel Van Gogh Sky was toast. Missing. Kaput. I'm normally obsessive about backups, backups and more backups (mirror drive, DVD, cloud, and external drive) but the novel was just gone. The only draft I had left was the one from three years earlier—before a full year's work of revision.

The worst thing about it? Honestly, I didn't even mind that much. I wasn't even sure it was worth publishing. For all I know, it was subliminal on my part (it's never a good sign when you're more excited about the cover of your book than about the story inside).

Then came a silly video game, of all things. And it woke me up.

Getting the Magic Back

To the mystification of my family and friends, I fell for the Dragon Age universe two years back, and I fell hard. I am absolutely sure that some of my loved ones are still scratching their heads over the sheer, odd specificity of it.

It's not a mystery to me. Because when I fell in love with the world of Dragon Age, I rediscovered a spark and fascination that took me back to those Anne Rice fanfic days, and even farther, back to my childhood days of falling into Tolkien and Middle-Earth, scribbling runes in spiral notebooks and dreaming of other worlds.

Soon, it wasn't enough to be an enthusiast. I wanted to join in. So a year and a half ago, I began this blog. I wanted to try for an almost literary take on analyzing the characters and stories of Thedas that I hoped might be new and different, and to find a place for myself within that fandom—and I've been humbled and delighted to have achieved that, to a small degree. It's been so satisfying, and I've treasured the friends I've made and the interactions with the amazing fan artists and creatives, as well as with many on the BioWare team, who have been so generous, patient, and accessible with us fans.

Then something unexpected happened. As part of diving into that world in a really deep lore-oriented and character-analysis basis, I began to get story ideas about some of the characters from the games and novels. I went from headcanoning characters and situations for my analyses to imagining entirely different ones.

I began to say those two words every writer loves more than anything: "What if?"

I hadn't said them in a long time. It felt good.

Full Circle

And just like that, for the first time in years, I wanted to write fiction again. I was imagining stories; I wanted to explore alternate universes and options, to imagine romances between opposite or even unromanceable characters, to use my knowledge of the lore to create new potential situations, tensions, even villains, if I could. Just like every other fanfic writer. 

So I began writing those imaginings down, simply because I wanted to read them myself. I had zero aspirations beyond telling stories based in that world that wouldn't leave me alone.

Once completed, I began publishing my works over on AO3. I was a little shy at first, like I was doing something nefarious by the dark of the moon. I'd spent most of my adult life insistent that I should be paid for my words, and now I was sharing them for free.

But the more I posted, and the more I read the works of my friends and others within the fandom, I just felt proud. I was reminded again of how proficient fanfiction writers can be. And while it's true that, yes, the writing proficiency of a few AO3 posters I encountered demonstrated a somewhat shaky and colorful grasp on actual sentence structure, the vast majority of the works I read ranged from competent to lyrical, startling, and better than the latest books that filled my Kindle.

And all of it was fantastically imaginative. I was exhilarated at the sheer range of ideas and stories, at the collisions of fandoms and fictional universes. If you want to dive into a story in which Buffy Summers takes part in the Mass Effect universe, or where Leia has a fling with The Iron Bull or Spock, or where Legolas falls in love with Gimli, or Tony Stark, or Captain Hook, or Jaal... AO3 is the place for you.

Me, I was having a blast. I loved returning to fiction writing, and finding that the lamp had always been lit in that window, waiting for me to come back home. Just watching those chapters rack up week after week, much less getting reader comments and interactions, gave me a security and satisfaction I hadn't felt in years. 

The works I posted meant something to me, and I was genuinely proud of them. Not only did they complement my attempts to build a point of view for myself in the Dragon Age and fandom communities, but they were exhilarating and fun. Incensed when Solas actually dumped my poor Inquisitor, I wrote a silly fanfic play about her desire to drink herself silly and take petty revenge), then surprised myself with a Dragon Age: Origins novella, and then over the past year have further been publishing a full-length Dragon Age: Inquisition AU novel that's now 75% posted (48 chapters and 156,411 words so far). In creating and posting the novel over the past year (entitled The Breakers and the Broken), I've worked with a terrific beta editor, the invaluable Eryn Earls, who's every bit as talented as those I've worked with in professional publishing, and whose input has saved me from errors, repetitions, and egregious out-of-character moments, and overall, improved my fiction as only the best editors can.

Unexpected Outcomes

So that's my story. Over the past year, thanks to Dragon Age and AO3, I suddenly found myself a writer again, the way I'd envisioned it when I was young. I wasn't just a cold wordsmith, connecting phrases for press releases and brochures, I was writing nonfiction with heart and imagination, and writing fiction—fanfiction or not—that energized and challenged me.

Fanfiction gets a bad rap, and it's undeserved. But it hasn't only resurrected my writing soul, the entire experience has completely revitalized my fiction, both commercially and artistically. And on a commercial level, my fanfics have led people directly to my other stuff, and I have sold more works on Amazon in the past year than in the previous five combined.

And on a personal level, I'm doing the best writing of my life, I'm writing with a richer and more mature voice. I've challenged myself and evolved in the stories I'm telling, even if they're about characters I didn't invent. And (best of all) I've found an audience for my work, and gotten the encouragement I needed at a low point creatively.

Getting Back the Dreams

Sometimes writing can be tough because it's a solitary endeavor, one in which we hunch over a keyboard or pad of paper and transcribe our dreams or nightmares, then send them out into a silent universe. No longer. AO3 means readers echo back, asking questions, starting dialogues, arguing points, sending kudos. Because of the serial nature of the fanfic posting process, as with blogging, I'll often get reactions from people on social media with surprising rapidity. In addition, I participate in closed social media groups with other Dragon Age fanfiction writers (many of whom are far more prolific and successful than I am), and they not only provide community, support, criticism, and reassurance, but they too report a similar sense of joy at the organic way writers and readers interact on AO3. There's nothing like knowing you have an audience, right now, that is waiting for your next update (or, best of all, asking impatiently, "What happens next?").

Fanfiction has given me that. And nobody will understand this better than my fellow fanfic writers out there.

So I'm proud of AO3's Hugo Nomination. I'm proud to be a fanfic writer, too, and no matter what else I create in my own original fiction going forward, I plan on continuing to write fanfiction too, just for the spark it gives me. It has improved my craft, given me a readership, and inspired me when I needed it most. It has also further enhanced my enjoyment of the fandom communities I love.

Besides, to bring it all full circle, I have this great idea for a new Dragon Age/Anne Rice crossover. (I'm thinking... what if the vampire Lestat ended up at the masked ball at Halamshiral and wreaked a little havoc? Imagine the possibilities!)

Thanks for letting me ramble. I'll see you in my dreams!

Merrill, Mirrors and Might-Have-Beens...

Merrill is an often confounding, even paradoxical character. She's all kittens and rainbows and charming ditziness, yet she's also a superb battle mage (blood magic, even!) as well as a coldly capable scientist.

MERRILL: I'm sorry.
ANDERS: You're sorry? For me? This could be you! You could be the next monster threatening helpless girls!
MERRILL: Anders... There's no such thing as a good spirit. There never was. All spirits are dangerous. I understood that. I'm sorry that you didn't.

First off, the quote I open this latest post with includes a clue, both to Merrill, and to the complexities of the Dragon Age universe. Merrill tells Anders point-blank that she does not distinguish between spirits and demons. Both are dangerous in their ways. (This post isn't really about their relationship, but yeah, I'll address it more later.)

I love this. This is the real heart of Dragon Age. Not black or white. Life or death. This universe holds the potential for middle ground, and nobody encompasses that more charmingly than Merrill in Dragon Age II.

And I get it if you dismissed her as a facile, foolish, or sweet/silly foil for all the action around her. After all, Merrill is an often confounding, even paradoxical character. She's young and old. Innocent and willing to get dirty. Capable and incapable. Funny until she's terrifying. She's all kittens and rainbows and charming ditziness, yet she's also a superb battle mage (blood magic, even!) as well as a coldly capable scientist.

Merrill's history is one rife with the typical challenges of the elven people. She starts out life in the Alerion clan, which roamed Nevarra. As the third in the clan to manifest magical gifts, she was given, as was common, to Clan Sabrae after the next Arlathvenn (the gathering of Dalish clans), handpicked to be the Clan's First to Keeper Marethari.

Then come the events of Dragon Age: Origins, when Merrill and Marethari enter for the first time, stage left.

The "Origins" Story

As players of Dragon Age: Origins know, if you play the Dalish Elf Origin, Merrill becomes a temporary party member to seek out the fate of her friend and fellow clan member Tamlen, and it's just heartbreaking. Brave and inquisitive, Tamlen goes missing in the old Elven Ruins, so Keeper Marethari gets Merrill to join our Warden to go find and hopefully rescue him. What's key here in terms of the larger story is that Maretheri calls on Merrill as the First of the clan, knowing her insight, magical ability and knowledge can be of help.

The fact that Marethari later discounts all of these is, to say the least, really sad to me.

Upon discovery of a tainted eluvian, it's apparent that Tamlen is gone (and doomed). Merrill at least isn't tainted by the eluvian, and for awhile she returns to her clan and regular life. Tamlen later shows up as a partial ghoul, heartbreakingly confirming that he was Blighted by the mirror, and the Warden kills him in mercy. (Note: If you play DAII following Origins, Merrill's history will continue, and she will admit to you that she's distrustful around humans since Tamlen's loss.)

Then comes the Blight, and Marethari moves Clan Sabrae to the outskirts of Kirkwall, across the water from Ferelden to the Free Marches on the ship Pride of Amaranthine.

Even given her seasickness, this will be the only easy journey Merrill ever makes. All the others will be... more complex.

Merrill's discovery of the entity at Sundermount both saves and damns her; it offers damnation and salvation both. 

Finding Audacity

Before we get to Dragon Age II, let's take a brief interlude to share Merrill's discovery of the entity that will save and damn her in the caves of Sundermount.

Mary Kirby's delicate short story from Merrill's point of view provides a vital look into Merrill's mind and abilities, as well as her near-terminal capacity for self-doubt and apology (traits with which I empathize). The story provides us with a glimpse of the moment Marethari and Merrill discover the Sundermount cave's supernatural tenant for the first time.

The episode is eerie and sort of heartbreaking. Merrill can hear the cries of the creature even in her sleep, and its pain is so insistent that Marethari herself awakens sobbing from its transmission of its loneliness.

The area within the cave is strange to them, appearing either as a temple or a tomb to Merrill, and it appears to be Tevinter (not at all elven, and yes, somewhere Dorian is doing a fistpump while Solas resignedly passes over five bucks). Marethari dislikes the look of the place, and frowns at the arches (Merrill being Merrill, and having empathy for all things, immediately pities the poor arches for having to undergo Marethari's disapproval).

Help me.

Oh, that was not the right answer at all.

Keeper Marethari seems to grow taller, becoming a towering pillar of angry Dalishness. “Name yourself! Or be left to your silence.”

I am One Who is Trapped. Help me.

The Keeper demands the creature's name, and on the third demand, the answer comes: Audacity.

What's interesting is that Marethari instantly knows it's a demon. Or... assumes?

Either way, she realizes it's bound to the statue in the temple, and that it is trapped there. She's satisfied that it won't threaten camp, and turns to leave. The demon cries out:

Wait! I have been trapped here for time beyond counting. I bore witness to the fall of your kingdom. Help me, Keeper of the Dalish, and I will give you knowledge of all I have seen. 

Merrill, still in tune with the creature, momentarily glimpses visions of the past glories of the elves—of the empire of the elves, of Arlathan itself, glittering and magnificent. Think about its offer: to Merrill, who cares, who is compassionate. And who adores history, yearns for it, wants it more than anything, and this is all briefly in her grasp. She hasn't a chance.

The demon tempts her desperately, one last time: All this could be yours. The Keeper merely orders her out, and they depart even as the vision fades for Merrill into darkness.

But we already know... Merrill will go back. The conversation has just begun.

Audacity's offer to Merrill is fatal: She cares, she's compassionate, she adores history... and here's the possibility, to make a difference. To learn something that may change things for her people. She's doomed.

Spirits and Demons and Demons and Spirits

But first off, let's take another look at Audacity, because this is a character that truly fascinates me. And I think it's a harbinger for more complexity to follow in DAI (and I'm always a fan of grey versus black and white).

Solas makes the point in Dragon Age: Inquisition repeatedly that the line between spirits and demons is not always immediately apparent. That they are complex beings capable of their own thoughts, pains and rationales. This is further borne out when the question of what Cole actually is becomes paramount. Solas cannot entirely say whether Cole is spirit or demon, although he is (as Cole's story becomes more apparent) eventually aware that Cole's origins in the Fade were as a spirit of Compassion.

But still. 

It's evident that there's a fair amount of wiggle room. It is never actually quite, quite, concrete. My take: Cole is a spirit who was forced through the Veil via desperate trauma as he tried to comfort a dying mage, using his gift of Compassion. But he was trapped enraged in a semi-human form and then wavered between spirit and demon throughout the events of the White Spire. I think the Inquisitor and Solas (and companions) help him solidify that, oh yes, he's still a spirit, in DAI. Before then? Not so sure. I think it could've gone either way with him.

Sorry for the segue, but I think it's important and vital here. Because, flashing back, here we are with Merrill, and here we have this creature that is trapped, tormented, and in agony for centuries beyond counting, and calling for help. Its loneliness and suffering are so palpable that Merrill feels it, and even Marethari weeps to hear it.

Would I free the creature, myself, given the situation Merrill faces? No. But... would I talk to it? Yeah, I would. So I understand why Merrill would. What's interesting is that I think, well... so would Solas. Or Cole.

Adjacent Questions... 

There's another possibility here, brought up by my good friend @Imasithduh. She made two subtle and insightful points that I think are worth addressing here:

1. The Dual Nature of 'Audacity'
   Typical to the writers of Dragon Age, there's a gorgeous hidden symmetry to the name of the demon "Audacity." She points out that the name "Audacity" has both positive and negative connotations, and that (wonderfully) Merrill and Marethari embody each of those. Merrill embodies "a willingness to take bold risks," the positive side of audacity, while Marethari could be argued to embody the "rude, impudent or disrespectful behavior" of the term.
   
   I love this, and also think it ties beautifully to the dual natures of spirits and demons, to good and evil, etc. To the distance between Merrill and Marethari, which will eventually become fatal. And neither of them is wrong or right. They just can't back away far enough to see clearly.
2. Somewhere in Between...
   And moving on... what is Audacity? What if it's not as simple as spirit or demon?
   
   For instance, my friend @Imasithduh thinks Audacity may very well present as a demon for Marethari... and as a spirit for Merrill.

This ties perfectly with my own conundrum about Audacity. Why does Marethari hear its name and immediately assume, "Demon?" And also: "Evil?"

Why?

To me, it's always been apparent that Merrill listens intently. And she doesn't just hear, she understands and empathizes.

The Girl Who Listened...

Keep in mind that this is a creature in terrible pain, trapped in loneliness and agony so acute that just glimpsing moments of it has both Marethari and Merrill unmanned and deeply upset.

Does that sound like a wholly evil creature? Something that cannot be saved? Doesn't something sentient, that can speak, and that is in this amount of pain deserve at least a moment of discourse? Isn't it worth trying to find a way to save it? Or to at least assuage its suffering?

Marethari simply dismisses it: It's a demon. 

But Merrill can't.

And I don't think I could, either. Of course, I'd have probably been a lousy mage, anyway. But still... if the world is so bad that we can't bother to talk to a creature in pain... aren't we lost already?

This is one of those situations that makes me wonder what other characters would have done. Of course, I can't help but wonder what Solas would have thought. And yet I feel pretty safe in saying that Solas would have shown compassion. As — assuredly — would Cole. And, yes, Cass and Viv would have been scandalized and horrified. But that's them.

But here's the thing: This question also directly ties into every single move Merrill makes afterward. She is shamed by her companions, lost from her clan and Keeper, all for her insistence on continuing the conversation. On showing compassion. And, most of all, on risking her own life for knowledge.

To me, it's always been apparent that Merrill listens intently. And she doesn't just hear, she understands and empathizes. Until danger makes her defend or kill. And even then she does so regretfully.

To me, Merrill's right to listen. To listen only. Keep in mind that huge events (and many years) pass in which she does no more than this. She is cautious and careful. She does not free Audacity. But she is willing to listen, to consider. To me this is the very best of what makes Merrill so special, and why I love her character.

So let's get to the events of Dragon Age II.

Merrill truly knows magic; she's a scholar and leader, and she is fearless as long as the only life she's risking is her own.

Merrill's Mission

I feel like many people may misjudge Merrill for her mission and choices in Dragon Age II. Because yes, Merrill is impractical, daffy, incapable of finding her way out of a paper bag, and patently adorable in her personal life, I feel like she's frequently infantilized. She's too often assumed to be silly, impractical, or (worst of all) childish despite all evidence that she is visibly a functioning if quirky adult woman always capable of full agency and choice.

If we separate her from her winsome insecurities and innocences, to me, Merrill's not remotely daffy when it comes to her research and work. Merrill may lose her way around Kirkwall (and I kind of always shudder at the idea of her wandering around that cesspool, even with the seamless invisible enchantment of Varric's protection), but she knows magic; she's a scholar and leader, and she is fearless as long as the only life she's risking is her own.

To me, the key to Merrill, as with many Dragon Age characters, is compartmentalization. She shares more in common with people like Leliana, Bull, Varric or Solas than you might think, and I think she's terrific at it. She's capable of warmth and fun and silliness, but she's equally capable of turning to cold steel as she reminds you to kill her if she endangers those she loves. That's Merrill. That's also Cass. Bull. Plenty of other war-savvy characters who are lots of fun, but who are also casually willing to die for the right thing, the right cause, the right moment.

So Merrill isn't really that uncommon a personality. Plenty of people are goofballs in one side of life and precise-to-an-atom in other areas. 

Personally, I've known more than a few friends who have worked in the sciences as well as in tech. And as a smart person who is also an idiot in daily life at most regular "easy" human activities, I can attest that sometimes smart people can be really, really dumb away from work (points at self). 

So Merrill, I would argue in DAII, tries a great deal to address her situation logically: 

• She commits to learning the secrets of an artifact that goes back to the highest days of the elven people.
• She talks to the demon/entity at Sundermount. It gives her the information she needs (another key detail that it may not be pure evil) to purify the shard she retained.
• She removes herself from her clan to minimize their exposure, despite being groomed lifelong for a leadership position.
• She accepts the sanctions and judgments of her Keeper as she departs her former life and culture.
• She uncomplainingly goes to live alone in the Kirkwall Alienage (basically the Thedosian version of an enforced ghetto area within the city). It's a price she's willing to pay.
• She takes great care in both her exposure to Audacity, as well as to blood magic, so that no other people are involved.
• On the rare occasions she involves others, such as Hawke and her companions, she gives them blatant, clear orders to kill her should she become possessed or compromised.
• When she needs additional tools or information, she is respectful of Marethari and the rules of the Dalish. It is only Marethari who breaks them.

Yes, Merrill takes risks in exposing herself to Audacity at Sundermount. But she also demonstrates quiet responsibility and caution. All of which Marethari tragically ignores.

The Best Intentions, The Worst Outcomes...

So, yeah, Marethari is frustrating to me here. 

Do I think she loves Merrill? Sure. Of course she does.

Do I think she respects Merrill? 

Nope.

Because repeatedly (and despite the fact that Merrill was her First), she treats Merrill as someone undeserving of agency.

It is Marethari who cannot seem to keep to the rules. It's Marethari who doesn't move the clan, keeping it at Sundermount for years longer than normal (and in proximity to danger) while she attempts to bring Merrill back into the fold. At the same time, it is Marethari who directly endangers Merrill and ultimately causes the death of Pol through desperate propaganda against Merrill (to the extent that Pol flees into danger and death needlessly within the caves). Adding insult to injury, Marethari then breaks her word to Merrill after directly endangering her life in her quest for the Varterral, handing over the artifact reluctantly to Hawke, disgracing and deeply wounding Merrill, and once again infantilizing her.

I'm gonna pause and just recap that again, in my own words:

MERRILL: I have decided to embark on a journey that is both dangerous but potentially vital and useful to all the elven people historically. I will sever ties with my clan. I will live alone to explore my theories to minimize danger. I will bring people ready to kill me if I encounter the demon again.

MARETHARI: As Keeper and leader, I have a series of steps I should take here. Which I will mostly disregard. I will humiliate my First as she leaves to pursue independent research. I will promote fear and propaganda against my First, to the extent that I directly cause the deaths of clan members. I will not relocate the clan as I should normally have done. I will humiliate my former First by breaking a direct and ancient promise to her despite her risk of her own life (and those of her companions). I will finally show my lack of faith in my First by freeing a demon to possess me (and thus endanger her and potentially my clan, and all of Kirkwall.

So. That's where I stand.

Yes, Merrill takes risks in exposing herself to Audacity at Sundermount. But she also demonstrates quiet responsibility and caution. Her early interactions with the demon appear stringently limited, she gets the information she needs, then realizes she must leave the clan to limit their exposure to any additional danger from her situation. She then removes herself, the mirror remnants, and the purified shard, to the Kirkwall alienage.

Merrill does this because she is driven to the search for knowledge; even more than most Dalish, she feels keenly the loss of her own heritage, of the simple lore that is her people's right and due. When Marethari, confronts her on her choice, Merrill abandons everything. Openly. When she joins Hawke and her companions in Kirkwall, they are all she has left. 

There is something heartbreaking to me about the fact that Merrill leaves the only family she has ever known for the isolation and poverty of the Kirkwall alienage. And yet she does so without hesitation.

Merrill's willing to die for something that may tell a story for the Dalish going back millennia. Something that may even provide travel to unknown realms, locations, times. For her, it's worth the risk of a single life.

Things Play Out... and Go Wrong...

But Marethari won't leave it alone.

Merrill is still showing responsibility and calm, bringing Hawke and a team who are known to be capable of defeating demons or abominations, to come with her to her final excursion to Sundermount. She gets their promise beforehand to kill her if she becomes a danger (even if one of those present is her lover). And y'all, come on, that's badass. She is willing to die. It's never a question.

And don't forget — they did so once at Marethari's own request. She was there.

Only to find that her daring and courage are circumvented because, for the Nth time, Marethari could not credit her with the ability or strength to make the trial. Marethari had walked right in and freed the freaking demon (with zero reason to do so) to "save" Merrill. This has been the pattern all along. Lord save us all from someone like Marethari, who "loves" Merrill, has zero faith in her abilities, mocks her to the remaining clan members, breaks her promises to her, then (to cap it all) frees a demon that could have killed her entire clan (and the city below).

What kind of First would Merrill would have made, given Marethari's actions? Why did Marethari want her to stay so badly if she had so little faith in this person? It's sort of grotesque, the paradox. How could Merrill have truly ascended to leadership with this complete lack of faith?

True to BioWare, as always, there are so many outcomes for this sweet, steely character. Merrill may build the mirror or break it. She may build or break herself. She may find true love or be killed by that lover. She may emerge with an invaluable magical artifact (that may in fact empower the Dread Wolf himself) or she may shatter it and find herself lost and without purpose.

And yet Merrill (at least in my choices) prevails. Merrill is one of my favorite characters across Dragon Age, not least because there is a purity to her quest, that she is driven to knowledge for knowledge's sake, and that she is willing to risk herself and her own life without hesitation in pursuit of this task. 

To echo the words of Ellie Arroway in Contact, Merrill believes the recreation and repair of the ancient eluvian represents a connection to the past of the elves that cannot be overstated, and that it is "worth a human (or in this case, elven) life." Merrill's willing to die for something that may tell a story going back millennia. Something that may even provide travel to unknown realms, locations, times.

For Merrill, history is sacred, and ignorance is terror. Knowledge is worth death.

It's a point of view I understand. She has the courage to pick one... and stay the course.

Merrill was right.