'Twas the Night Before Wintersend... (A Visit from Ashe'bellanar...)

A visit from Flemeth for the holidays

Just a silly little confection, hug, and thank you to you Dragon Age friends who have made my life so rich and meaningful, especially in one of the toughest years of my life (and, I know, so many of our lives).

It's goofy, but I hope you enjoy...

Note 1: I have been schooled that I should have used Satinalia, not Wintersend here, but I still think "Wintersend" sounds better. Oops! Oh well.)

Note 2: I've broken up the poem thematically if clunkily, so it's easier to read—it's just meant to be a fun exercise so I'm totally not keeping things formal, here...

A Visit from Ashe'bellanar (The Night Before Wintersend)

'Twas the night before Wintersend, and all through the Keep

Not a creature was stirring, all Skyhold asleep!

A stillness and silence filled all Herald's Rest

While up in the Rookery ravens did nest

Both mages and templars were snug in their beds,

As gingerbread Fade spirits danced in their heads

Meanwhile, up in my quarters, in halla PJ's

I'd just gone to bed for the first time in days,

When out on the steps there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my Free Marches bed -- "What's the matter?"

Then I ran to my balcony quick as a dance

Just hoping that I wouldn't see Corypants

The moon on the battlements shone with a glow

Gave the luster of Veil-Fire to objects below

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a dragon and sleigh, it was actually here!

As it circled, it changed, and then oh, Maker's Breath,

I knew in a heartbeat that this was Flemeth! 

More regal than gods with her Hair Horns of Awesome

Her armor with touches of Arlathan blossom

"Now, Solas, now Seeker, now Varric," she called

"Now up, Iron Bull, Sera, Vivienne and Blackwall!

Get you up Leliana, and Josie, and Cullen

I bring Wintersend cheer, so you'd best not look sullen!

Up, Inky and Cole, and up, Dorian, boo!

And oh come all ye Chargers, and Maryden, too!

Sutherland and Scout Jim, come away from your stalking

I've got trinkets galore, so you better get walking!

But I won't wait forever, I've got things to do!

I just thought that I'd stop with a present or two.

So come down now to greet me or off I will fly!"

And so downstairs we tumbled, with our hair all awry.

And there in the courtyard, she stood with her sleigh

And eight tiny halla, already munching some hay

With a big bag of presents, at least twelve feet tall

She handed them round to us, Chargers and all!

There were goodies and treats and delectable things

And funny gifts too, like small toy nugs with wings

There was cocoa for Bull, and a dragon-tooth pile

That was perfect for weapons or one kadan's smile

There were kittens for Cole and a hat even wider

Plus a fine quill for Varric and a barrel of cider

A beard kit made Blackwall give Flemeth a blush

As he'd never seen anything nearly as plush

Fine thieves' tools gave Sera new chances for mayhem

And a fresh deck of cards tempting those that would play them

A new Swords and Shields to thrill Cass with each word

Plus new lute strings for Maryden's unsecret chord.

For Dorian, some fine ancient tomes of enchantment

To inspire him to further magical advancement

There were new paints for Solas in colors divine

And glasses just perfect for sweet elven wine

There were bangles and lutestrings and slippers for Leli

And tea cakes for Josie with Antivan jelly

There were potions for Inky and salve for the Mark

And an elfroot bouquet for when times got too dark

Then for Cullen a how-to on quick roof repair

And a silverite brooch for one Madame de Fer

For Lace Harding some beautiful blooms to bemuse

And bright armor for Sutherland's personal use

For gruff Cabot some barrels of Orlesian mead

While new runes gave Dagna the magic she'd need

There were new raven cages for Plucky's elites

New blankets for Schmooples and dracolisk treats

Plus a barrel of mint to make cats play with zeal

And cheese to give mice a more sumptuous meal

The bag it was endless and obviously magical 

Filled with fine gifts and not one of them tragical

For Skyhold's found family it was a delight

Filled with comfort and joy (and no plaidweave in sight!)

And then giving a nod and a wink from her eye

Flemeth leaped to the sleigh and then took to the sky

The Skyholders all cheered as the Witch took a lap

Round the battlements high where the brave banners flap

Observed Dorian, "The magisters had up their sleeves

Rare spells such as Flemeth has shown us this eve."

Yet as the sleigh vanished ('twas just before twelve, then)

She called back, "It is not Tevinter, but elven."

So let us heed Flemeth's wise seasonal call

And cry, "Happy Wintersend!" and ar lath ma to you all!

Dragon Age Playlists (for Dragon Age Inquisition Characters)

Like most of us, I'm a sucker for music. And I was recently sharing Solas Spotify playlists with my friend and fellow Dragon Age Day founder T, and it made me want to do one for ALL the Companions!

So here we are—just for fun, I created playlists for all of our Dragon Age Inquisition Companions, below, plus (of course) Leliana, Cullen and Josie. 

Songs and Characters

My criteria for these was pretty loose, more about mood and gut reactions. In terms of what the songs mean for the characters, some of my choices are about the dark choices we might make, and what happens then (cough, Bull). 

Others are about when everything goes absolutely right. Some songs are about the delights of that character's romance, while others are about how that romance may unfortunately be delicious agony.

Some of the music I pick here is from the POV of the character, while a lot may also be from the POV of the romanced or friended Inquisitor. So again, it's just meant to evoke moods and moments.

One thing I deliberately didn't do—I didn't go back and look at that BioWare playlist blog post from years back. I remember that I loved it, but I didn't want to be an echo chamber, so I just did my own stuff here.

You will hear the occasional show tune. Or the occasional film composition. Or something just plain weird. Sorry/not sorry! There are also some very NSFW selections on some lists—especially Bull's—so you may want to browse and listen privately first in those cases.

Thanks for checking these out, and I'll look forward to your thoughts! What did I miss that was so bloody obvious you can't believe it? What songs mean the most to you when it comes to certain characters?

Share your own, and let's have some fun!

Solas

A playlist for everyone's most loved/hated hobo apostate and occasional elven god.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0S29zEcrBLw0vwEupWcLui?si=b16eeff0144b4a84

Selections here include songs from: PHILDEL, Hadestown, Stars, SYML, Imogen Heap, Jeff Buckley, Laurie Anderson, Murray Gold, Great Big Sea, Papa Roach, James Vincent McMorrow, Greg Laswell, Fleurie, Kristin Hersh, Dido, and lots more.

Hidden gems you may not be familiar with? I'd pick "We Raise Our Cups," which I love in this context for its sense of regret and myth, and the quietly apocalyptic "Keep Breathing," which feels SO "Drop-the-Veil-like" to me ("People are dying, I close my blinds...") "Leave Like That," and "Wasteland, Baby!" I tried to go for a combination of snapshots here, not just "Oh my God you left me," although that is of course REALLY EASY TO DO HERE (darn it, Solas). Since Solas actually does have a sly sense of humor, I also wanted to have a little fun occasionally, so there are some dashes of humor, like "You're Welcome," which, come on. That's perfect.

Bull

A playlist for the Ben-Hassrath in everyone's life. Please listen responsibly and don't forget your safe words...

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3IiArzC7v4uG3A6Mn5VQgB?si=0814c9d02ee84dd5

Selections here include songs from: Digital Daggers, Nancy Sinatra, RIELL, Freedy Johnston, Seether, Sia, Nouvelle Vague, Solomon Burke, Suzanne Vega, Jaymes Young, The Decemberists, Carly Simon, Daniel Lanois, Frou Frou, Leonard Cohen, and many more.

My picks for hidden gems here would include "Bad Reputation" (the song sounds like an anthem to love but it's also about damage and despair—"been breaking down, do you want me now, do you want me now?"), "The Bagman's Gambit" ("they'll never catch me now," goes the refrain, but we know everyone gets caught in the end), Daniel Lanois's gorgeous, epically romantic "The Messenger," "Master and Servant" (cough), and "Your Love Could Start a War." Is there a subtext in this playlist? Beyond the obvious nods to sexy times, it's basically that Bull is a lying liar whose lies are alternatively cheerful, methodical, or chilling, a stone-hearted spy depending on your choices, and, well, traumatized. He's also trapped for a lot of Inquisition—somebody who's stuck in a political machine it's hard to get out of, so I wanted to push that here. He's also a sweetheart to either Dorian or a romanced Inky despite the rough edges, so you get that here too.

Cullen

A Dragon Age playlist for handsome templars and those who love them. (Wait, that wasn't flirting, was it?!)

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2iIFnCP61Fv4LjjAeeX2yk?si=2d4c65edbf6e4dbb

Selections here include songs from: Mumford & Sons, Elliott Smith, Fleurie, Ingrid Michaelson, Cranberries, Blues Saraceno, The Tragically Hip, Dire Straits, David Bowie, Hank Thompson, Jump, Little Children, Philip Glass, Florence + the Machine, and more.

Some potential hidden gems would include "Dogs of War," "On Every Street," "All the King's Horses" and "Anthem, Pt. 2." I really enjoyed putting this one together and tried to include everything from the PTSD, to his addiction issues, to finding true love, to occasional dashes of humor ("Don't Flirt with Me"). There's a little more movie soundtrack stuff on Cullen's than on some of the others, and I loved "Little Lion Man" to kick it off.

Dorian

A playlist for a certain handsome Tevinter mage who may or may not be in love, but who is always devastatingly charming.

Selections include songs from: The Dandy Warhols, Queen, Rufus Wainwright, Jem, George Michael, Peter Gabriel, The Decemberists, Agnes Obel, Adam Lambert, Prince, Indigo Girls, The National, MIKA, and more.

Potential hidden gems here for me would include "The Last High" (the progression of the narrator's arrogance is quietly hilarious as the song goes along), "The Wanting Comes in Waves" (yes, I am a huge Decemberists fan, and this one is probably my all-time favorite), "Dorian," "Exile Vilify," and Mika's beautiful "Any Other World." My goal with this one was to balance Dorian's intelligence and vanity with his hidden pain, yearning, kindness, and sweetness.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3CVmmDCKCZrZhFWMNkxRJD?si=5ce1a31f892d401c

Blackwall

A playlist for lonely guilt-soaked Grey Warden warriors and bearded icons (THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE).

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3JrfzGjkzpusWZWFmqdnkq?si=7037b245557c486e

Selections include songs from: Johnny Cash, Lenka, Regina Spektor, Aimee Mann, Belle & Sebastian, The Struts, Justin Timberlake, Sheryl Crow, Rihanna, Guster, Jonathan Coulton, Radiohead, Iron & Wine, and more. 

My picks for some hidden gems here would include Johnny Cash's terrific cover of Sting's "I Hung My Head," "Forgive Me Friend," "Samson," "Could Have Been Me," and "The Trapeze Swinger." Blackwall's list was one of the easier ones because of his palpable sense of regret and unworthiness (hey, there are thousands of songs out there about how much people hate themselves), but I also tried to incorporate some moments of purity, courage, redemption, and happiness.

Cole

A playlist for sweet spirit boys and real boys alike that will lift your spirits even if it doesn't lift your feet.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6k1ZiQTL2WnLg5HO3mWXJm?si=a5e6b1130e384b60

Selections include songs from: The Muppets, The White Stripes, Simple Plan, John Williams, Bright Eyes, Patrick Doyle, The Police, Art Garfunkel, Gary Jules, Ben Harper, Nick Drake, Marc Cohn, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, Peter Allen, Max Richter, and more.

Some of my personal picks for hidden or less-known gems here would include "Bright Eyes," "The Wind," "Compassion," "Everything Old is New Again," "Lullaby for Cain," and "On the Nature of Daylight." I hopefully walked the line here between innocence and sweetness and Cole's bigger sense of knowing -- I was trying for his sense of the cosmic. I definitely didn't want to infantilize Cole, but he is sometimes paradoxically truly a kid, and I did want to include those dashes of childlike wonder at humanity's quirks.

Cassandra

A playlist for the secret warrior princess in all of us (with a dash of SWORDS AND SHIELDS).

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6wtIIliS0DfXKwJ8pnyM8y?si=de19a51bfe544de1

Selections include songs from: Christina Aguilera, Beth Nielsen Chapman, Thomas Bergerson, Royal Wood, Alana Davis, Pat Benatar, Dire Straits, Nelly Furtado, Sheryl Crow, Chaka Khan, The Lumineers, Halsey, Joan Osborne, and more.

Some less-known gems here might include "Sand and Water" (a gorgeous examination of grief, and one I wanted to evoke both Cass's brother and her loss of Regalyan), "Kingdom Fall," "Disgusted" (oof!),  "Juliet," "Graveyard," and Joan Osborne's joyous anthem "Righteous Love." Basically, I just wanted to salute a kickass woman with hearts on her armor and in her soul.

Sera

Shite! A playlist for Red Jennies, kickass girl archers and their girlfriends. BEES!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6NBBuHBLdW0DvxKHLlT3bj?si=74ab16e5fb4b4ea3

Selections include songs from: The Jesus and Mary Chain,  Kesha, Sinead O'Connor, The Chicks, Halestorm, Carly Rae Jepsen, Maria Isabel, Indigo Girls, No Doubt, Portishead, David Newman, Tracy Chapman, Ani DiFranco, Duffy, and more.

Some hidden gems here might include "Mayhem," "Eat the Rich," "Suzanne," "Broken Arrow," "Syrup & Honey," and "The Dresses Song." I had so much fun with Sera's list, although I wish there were more songs about bees, dammit. 

Varric

Well, shit. A playlist for the dwarves and dreamers,  as well as those still hung up on all the wrong people...

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6H8Mrmtbo6h6d174EZToKc?si=75a8da5eefed46c1

Selections include songs from: David Crosby, Tegan and Sara, Elvis Costello, Travis, the Robert Elovsson Quartet, Big Little Lions, Lyle Lovett, Beck, Sting, Tom Waits, the Weepies, and many more.

Some lesser-known inclusions here are "Hero" (one of my absolute favorite songs lifelong), "She's Already Made Up Her Mind," "This is Hell," "Stories," and "Happy Ending." Obviously the ghost of Bianca is all over this playlist (poor Varric), but it was really fun to explore—I love "I Know I Know I Know" in that context, as well as "Happy Ending," not to mention "Innocent When You Dream," which for me is perfect for Varric's intelligence and warmth.

Vivienne

A wicked little playlist for the most fabulous mage you'll ever meet, darlings.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4YoWLIAwSXKMBYkITUIkgz?si=4eab6fa977e44412

Selections include songs from: Beyonce, Billie Eilish, Lorde, Scarlett Johansson, Hamilton, Valerie Broussard, The Joy Formidable, Meredith Brooks, Cliff Richard, One Two, RHODES, Matt Corby, WandaVision, and many more.

Stuff you may not have heard before could include "A Little Wicked," Scarlett Johansson's wonderful, slinky "Trust in Me," "The Silent Treatment," "The Red Shoes" (I'm a sucker for fairytales), and "Your Soul." Viv's not bad, she's just drawn that way.

Leliana

A playlist for Thedas's scariest spymistress, curated by Baron Von Plucky.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4imTBQHZod2TTzZbHv19tE?si=50e548a3104e4e6e

Selections include songs from: Tori Amos, Trent Reznor, Wings, Blondie, Loreena McKennitt, Nena, The Cure, Sarah McLachlan, Ariana Grande, Echo & the Bunnymen, Massive Attack, JADE MOSS, and many more.

Some fun less-known stuff here includes "Nun with a Motherf*&*ing Gun," "Dante's Prayer," "All My Heroes," and "The Maker Makes." The combination of stone-cold killer and true believer in Leliana's list (with a dash of girl power) is really fascinating to listen to.

Josephine

A playlist for the world's sweetest bard. Some of her dolls act out these songs when she plays them.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Pu66tULbRsbq2W7zQNq4K?si=d11550c175584f86

Selections include songs from: Brandi Carlile, Sergio Mendes & Brasil '66, the Monkees, Sarah McLachlan, Ivy, Rickie Lee Jones, Ed Sheeran, Peter Cetera, Wicked, Sara Bareilles, Shakira, the Bangles, and many more.

Hidden gems here might include "All Will Be Well," "Josephine," "Mermaid Song," "I Was Brought to My Senses," and "The Lucky One." I felt sort of hijacked on this one because I had to keep putting in Disney songs, and that's all there was to it. They had to be here. Josie's a Disney Princess at heart!

Mysterious Answers from Solas, Cole, and Bull!

In celebration of #DragonAgeDay 2020 (OUR BEST EVER, PEOPLE), I received a mysterious e-mail from the always awesome Patrick Weekes, who was nice enough to forward on answers from characters beyond the Fade!

So here we go!

Which would you pick? Earth 2020, or Thedas during Blight, Meredith’s Kirkwall, or the Breach?

SOLAS: The Breach is far too close to home, reminding me of my regrets. I would not live there if I had the option.

I could not bear to watch the Blight destroy the world of Thedas, so I chose your Earth, and sought to share my wisdom.

Wikipedia did not like my citation, “Witnessed in the Fade.”

Would you undergo The Joining?

THE IRON BULL: I get to fight monsters AND there are free drinks?

What's your weapon of choice?

COLE: No rhythm, so the worm doesn’t come. He’s dancing again, like before when he sold music. Laughing, leaping, but they always say he’s walking.

Which demon would show up to tempt you at your personal Harrowing?

IMSHAEL: Choice. Spirit.

What's your personal canon/favorite race and class in Dragon Age?

SOLAS: Each race has their own majesty, a beauty almost tangible, and each in their own—

THE IRON BULL: Just say “elven mage.” We all know you’re thinking it.

Your literary read of the day: Swords and Shields, Hard in Hightown, or The Randy Dowager?

THE IRON BULL: I think that Swords & Shields has a more compelling love story, but it also steers into some problematic territory.

KREM: He has a subscription to The Randy Dowager.

THE IRON BULL: For the ARTICLES.

Which Dragon Age follower CHARACTER would you romance?

SOLAS: I cannot give away my heart, for knowing what regrets will come would tarnish any momentary solace.

BRIALA: I have so many questions about ancient elven culture! If only someone could explain it to me!

SOLAS: Oh, no. 

And y'know, y'all, I'm just leaving it here. It's just so good. HAPPY DRAGON AGE DAY! And thank you to Patrick for sharing their secret access to some of our most loved/hated characters! 

Meaningful Banters: Cole and Bull after "Demands of the Qun"

COLE: I remember the little boy, too wise, eager to help. Words break in small secret spaces. He got away. He got away.

Since my Part 2 post on "Demands of the Qun" was already reaching critical mass, I decided to note some of the banters with Cole that occur afterward here, in a separate rundown below. They're revealing and, of course, often terribly sad.

Aftershocks

No matter what choice was made, there are several conversations and banters with Bull and his companions later on, depending on the choices made during his loyalty quest, and most are fairly straightforward—sympathies for his loss if the Chargers were sacrified, or sympathy for his newfound status as Tal-Vashoth. 

However, some offer intriguing and real insights into Bull, like those with Cole.

"He Got Away..."

Cole has always known what the Chargers mean to Bull; he has talked often about Krem. But he also gives us a later "you are there" moment that's really vital:

IRON BULL: Hey, Cole. Quick! What number am I thinking of?
COLE: Raw and hot, trying to open it, but just darkness. How bad, how bad? No, done now, no sense worrying. The man they hurt coughs, shaking, but sits up. Eyes wide. No, not a man, a woman, clothes torn. "You're safe now. I'm Iron Bull. What do you want me to call you?"
IRON BULL (dryly): Twelve. The number I was thinking of was "twelve."

I love this, because it's putting us inside Bull's head in the moment he saved Krem... right as Bull realizes he's lost his left eye. In typical Bull fashion, as I've noted before, Bull assesses, then moves on. Can't be helped, no sense worrying. The first thing Bull says to Krem is his name. And I'm betting everything here that it's not the name of a "role." It is who he knows himself to be in that moment.

It's a beautiful symmetry, since we know that ever after, while Krem lives, he watches that blind spot for the man who saved him. It's why Krem is always to the left of Bull, in that corner of the Tavern, after all.

But Cole's not done. He subtly supports Bull again, later on, letting him know his Tama is happy for his escape:

COLE: "Tama, how will I follow the Qun?" Her hands, strong but gentle, ruffles stubs where the horns will be. "You are strong, and your mind is sharp. You will solve problems others cannot." She smiles, but sadly.
IRON BULL: Looks like my old Tamassran was wrong. Bet she's pissed one of her kids went Tal-Vashoth.
COLE: Agents with hushed tones. Eyes stinging, forms to fill out, course corrections, reduce risk of similar losses. I remember the little boy, too wise, eager to help. Words break in small secret spaces. He got away. He got away.
IRON BULL: How could you know that? You've never even met her.
COLE: Your hurt touches hers.
IRON BULL: Well, that's, uh, creepy. But... thanks.

In "Trespasser," Cole gives us one last glimpse into Bull's mind -- at his relief that his family still lives, by saying: "Salt-spray smell of Seheron. Lost in smoke from a burning ship. Guilt at not feeling guiltier."

It's one final reminder that Bull wanted to save the Chargers. He wanted to leave the Qun. He feels guilty... because he doesn't feel guilty, deep down. He is free. He got away.

"Horns Pointing Up..."

Meanwhile, if the dreadnought is saved and the Chargers are lost, Cole still tries to do his part, to show support, especially as he realizes Bull has been torturing himself with imagined recriminations, with the imagined anger of his men, and especially of Krem:

COLE: Blood, crash of metal, but silent underneath—the horn didn't blow! That one-eyed bastard, I knew he'd betray us!
IRON BULL: Oh good, you're doing your thing again.
COLE: They died fighting. In your mind, they hated you, but you're doing it wrong! That isn't what Krem thought!
IRON BULL (slowly, unwilling to admit he wants to know): Well, then... what did he think?
COLE: "Horns pointing up."

It's a really sad moment, because even though it's better than the rage Bull is envisioning... it's worse. Bull thinks of the song he could not finish quoting up on the battlements, and dies a little more inside. Cole is upset to realize he didn't help.

IRON BULL: Oh... yeah.
COLE: No, that didn't help—I tugged on the tangle and tore it—
IRON BULL: It's all right. I'm good.

Cole gives a further, and more complex revelation later on however, in "Trespasser," letting us know that Krem never ever gave up—never stopped waiting for Bull to come back to save them: "Copper on the lips. Dalish lies dead-eyed beside me. He'll come, he'll call, he won't leave us... Horns pointing up."

But Bull never came back. And now he's gone for good. Later on, after the terrible moment in "Trespasser" when Bull reveals to us that he did exactly what we told him to (to stay loyal to the Qun), and dies for it... Afterward (if we survived, mind you, since it's a fantastic fight), Cole reveals that there was no regret in Bull's mind at all. He was calm, cold, pithed. 

Of course he was. The dreadnought may have survived, but The Iron Bull died on a hilltop on The Storm Coast. Everything after that was just theatre.

Such are the demands of the Qun.

The Lies of the Qun (My Case for Bull as an Unreliable Narrator)

The Iron Bull is perceptive and intelligent, one of the most keenly aware and complex characters in Dragon Age. But what if his choices make him an unreliable narrator?

SOLAS: The mind does marvelous things to protect itself.

Hello, there! I've been working on a series of posts about The Iron Bull's arc that will culminate in an in-depth analysis of Bull's pivotal loyalty quest "The Demands of the Qun" very shortly. It's been a long time in the works and may actually break my current record for post length (WALLS OF TEXT! OH, SO MANY, MANY WALLS OF TEXT!).

But in the meantime... before we do, let's pause for a second... and rewind. Because those demands of the Qun may be even more insidious, embedded, and complicated than we knew.

While researching the Qunari and transcribing "Demands of the Qun," I've been thinking about Bull and his story arc a lot lately, and it occurred to me that by Bull's own admission, he's not a reliable narrator when it comes to some of the events he relates to us. I am, after all, talking about a guy who openly tells us that he cheerfully and happily turned himself in for brainwashing a decade or so back. And still finds nothing wrong with that. If anything, he seems to find it comforting.

This means that there are comments and banters and stories involving Bull that I think may deserve closer examination before we plunge him into the terrible choices of his pivotal loyalty quest, so let's take a look at those before we meet Gatt and the Chargers on that faraway rainy cliffside.

So come along with me, won't you? Let's pause and look back...

One of Bull's most frequent arguments as he defends the Qun is that Tal-Vashoth are savage, and that the Qun is the only thing keeping them under control. What if this is simply an implanted awareness, versus a result of true observation?

Reeducating Bull

As the storyline and companionships of Dragon Age: Inquisition progress, one of Bull's most frequent arguments with Solas as he defends the Qun is that Tal-Vashoth are savage and inherently dangerous, and that the Qun is the only thing keeping them civilized and under control. Bull openly and fully subscribes to the idea that there is a beast within him and within all Qunari that's always straining to break free, moments from appearance, and I find this really interesting and actually more than a little paradoxical.

Let me explain.

Bull is, after all, one of the characters within the DAI story who appears, at least to me, to be not just under his own constant and assured control, but to a pretty finely honed, even extraordinary degree. Bull often implies that he's almost able to regulate his own biological systems, at least insofar as they register outwardly. He's able to read people down to the micro-expression, he's a flawless actor in his own right, and he's been taught how to observe, use and manipulate people socially and even sexually for decades.

So... why is Bull so scared of "going savage?" He's a freaking superhero of Qunari spydom! He's capable of being as cold and still as the moment requires.

And yet... he is genuinely afraid of that loss of control. Palpably so. So it's no surprise that he's also preoccupied with demonic possession, or that his greatest fear is insanity. And the bummer is, I think most of this has been instilled, manufactured, and exacerbated... by the Qun.

Because, truth is, ultimately, Bull's prejudices all benefit the Qun. So it's no surprise that they might mess with those, a bit. So there's a difference between what Bull perceives and what's actually happening, and me, well, I think it's a combination of factors that include, unfortunately, the reeducators. 

The fucking reeducators.

To become Tal-Vashoth is the worst and most shameful fate for any Qunari, who can at that point only hope for a quick death or endless reeducation and submission (or qamek and death as a mindless laborer).

The "Others"

Let's face it, it is all to the interests of the Qun that Tal-Vashoth be seen as raging demons, outsiders, and savages. Which is why I believe that not only are those within the Qunari raised with this point of view and live within its propaganda constantly, but I also believe the reeducators reinforce this with actual brainwashing whenever given the opportunity.

If the Tal-Vashoth are actually not feral, unhinged monsters, and are rather just people who chose to leave the Qun, then this also means that of course the Qunari are in constant danger of a neverending sloughing off of people, strength, numbers, labor and talent. So instead they demonize the defectors—and provide an even more insistent reason for killing them: That they are animals, monsters, savages. They are defined within the classic "other" language used since the dawn of time. 

And presto! With a few choice adjectives, some propaganda, and a little savvy brainwashing, the Tal-Vashoth are no longer heroic rebels fighting for individuality and choice. Instead, they become monstrous; mindless arbiters of violence and fear. And according to this propaganda, of course, to become one is the worst and most shameful fate for any Qunari, who can at that point only hope for a quick death or endless reeducation and submission (or qamek and death as a mindless laborer).

Sten's a scary reminder of the Qun's devastating simplicity: "They knew me before I was born. I was birthed on the day they chose. Placed into the world by their hands. When I die, it will be the tamassrans who note my passing. I am their work."

"It Was Theirs to Begin With..."

Keep in mind, this is all ethical not only to the Qun's ruling triumvirate, it's openly espoused and supported by its people themselves, like Bull, or (hearkening back to DAO) Sten, who in one of the most telling banters in the game, reveals to the Warden how deeply the Qun truly owns him, body and soul:

WARDEN: Why do you let the tamassrans control your life?
STEN: What makes it mine? It was theirs to begin with.
WARDEN: What does that mean?
STEN: They knew me before I was born. I was birthed on the day they chose. Placed into the world by their hands. When I die, it will be the tamassrans who note my passing. I am their work. What I do is for my people, always.
WARDEN: They made you, but they can't make decisions for you.
STEN: No need. I have been trained to choose as they would. There is little point in pursuing this, we should move on.

"What makes [my life] mine?" Sten wonders. "It was theirs to begin with."

It's simple, it's sort of beautiful in its purity... and it's terrifying. To me, these words could just as easily have been said by Bull when we first speak to him in Haven about what it means to live under the Qun. Sten is, as always, both poignant and seriously scary here, utterly willing to spend himself as nothing more than a tool of his people... a blunt instrument against the untamed ones.

Meanwhile, those who remain clean and uncontaminated patrol the streets, vigilant against the "savage" ones who seek nothing more than the deaths of children and innocents... 

At least... so says Bull.

Is it really feasible that the Tal-Vashoth are spending their time sneaking around, poisoning children, slaughtering whole schools of children and their tamassrans... versus running as far away as they can get?

Pity the Children (Propaganda 101)

But what evidence do we have of this? 

Does it really make sense that the Tal-Vashoth are sticking around and victimizing innocents and children instead of making tracks as far away from Par Vollen, the Ben-Hassrath, their trained trackers and assasins, as they possibly can? Does it make sense that they're spending their time sneaking around, poisoning children, slaughtering whole schools of children and their tamassrans?

For me: Nope. It's all propaganda. And they use people like Bull as a mouthpiece. 

From the banters, take a second glance at this:

IRON BULL: Most Tal-Vashoth are nothing more than savages. Killing's all they know. The Ben-Hassrath are trying to lose fewer people to that sickness.
SOLAS: It isn't a sickness. You are losing them because they see a chance for freedom! And most of them are "savage," as you say, because your culture taught them nothing else. They know nothing but the Qun. So even as they fight against it, they are guided by its principles.
IRON BULL: Watch it, elf. You haven't seen the Tal-Vashoth like I have. Try watching a Tal-Vashoth kill a Tamassran and her kids. Then we'll talk.

The thing is, I am convinced that Bull hasn't seen this either, himself. Not really. 

I believe that in all likelihood, it is a fictional memory created and implanted by the Ben-Hassrath.

Looking back with the benefit of 20-20 hindsight, it seems apparent to me that Bull has not only been indoctrinated beautifully by the Qunari and Ben-Hassrath, but he's also been potentially, visibly manipulated at a level that is horrifying and invasive.

For instance... Let's talk about Bull's breakdown.

The events of Seheron and the loss of his friend Vasaad haunt Bull even in his days with the Inquisition.

Lost in Seheron

According to his own descriptions, further examined in World of Thedas, Volume 2, Bull encounters a Seheron merchant who poisons several of his men under pressure from rebels (the man also dies in the ensuing attack). It's a tragic situation; the man is a longstanding friend of Bull's, and he tries to communicate that something is wrong with his face and eyes. Bull gets the message, but it's too late—many of his men die, the man dies, and those manipulating him do as well.

That same poison is then used by a stubborn Tal-Vashoth group as they wreak terrible havoc and poison a school full of Qunari schoolchildren. Bull pursues them to a Tal-Vashoth stronghold and attacks without waiting for Ben-Hassrath permission. In the fight, Bull's best friend, a warrior named Vasaad, is killed before his eyes. Bull then sees red and goes mad with rage, evidently mowing down all attackers. 

The loss of his friend Vasaad haunts Bull, enough so that Cole comments on it in one of their conversations:

COLE: Vasaad was angry. He went first because he wanted to fight. Taking point, then points take him, red on his neck.
IRON BULL: I was just thinking about—wait, you in my mind again, kid?
COLE: Even if you went in first, there would have been another fight, another time he didn't listen. It wasn't your fault.
IRON BULL: Yes, it was. I was in charge. Should've found a way to—hey, that's pretty good. We could use that!
COLE: You can use sadness?
IRON BULL: Ben-Hassrath, kid. We can use anything.

His best friend Vasaad is dead. Bull's enemies are dead, littered in pieces around him. The battle over, Bull then sits down amidst the corpses of his foes and friends, grieving and silent, until the Ben-Hassrath agents discover him. The agents take him back to Par Vollen, where by Bull's own admission he asks them to either fix him or destroy him so that he will not be a danger to anyone else. It's heartbreaking, and so typical of Bull. He knows what a good killer he is. I just think he isn't always aware of how much of his persona was created outside of his own control or awareness.

Hidden Meanings

Is this the moment that changed Bull's life forever?
Or does it denote something more complicated—his guilt?

One little side note—visualize that moment of Bull sitting in mute and weary sorrow among the gruesome bodies of the dead, hands bloody. Where have we seen this image in-game? It's the scene we're presented on Bull's new Tarot card (which is itself the "Wheel of Fortune" card, signifying change) if Bull goes Tal-Vashoth.  Which is pretty interesting in its implications. Is the card itself actually using this moment as a touchstone? Is this the moment that changed Bull's life forever? Or does it denote something more complicated—his guilt? Over the lost lives on the Dreadnought... or the lives he took while hunting the Tal-Vashoth? 

Food for thought.

Meanwhile, back to that memorable and traumatic experience in Seheron, where I have to question whether Bull is a reliable narrator there.

In other words, did this ever really happen at all? Or did it happen differently, and the Ben-Hassrath changed Bull's memories? Because that's my point of view right now. That what Bull believes may not be anything close to what happened at all, and that everything he describes with such emotion is a false, expertly implanted memory, by the reeducators.

If so, this is pretty horrible, and it's a criminal, terribly invasive thing to do against one of the most intelligent and complex people we encounter in Thedas. And to me it's just so disturbing, and such an incredible violation of a companion who's so interesting, complicated and delightful. 

And it appears that Bull was in real trouble after that event, and that others rose to defend him. Want an extra dose of sadness? We discover, thanks to World of Thedas: Volume 2, that Gatt himself wrote a lengthy letter supporting Bull after those events in Seheron, showing his support for his friend and savior while also holding the Qun itself to task: "He's a good man. He believes in you. You owe him better than what you've done to him." I've never liked Gatt much, although I pitied him. But this made me love him. His real affection for Bull shines through here and it's devastating.

It's tantalizing to wonder if Gatt is actually talking about Bull's reeducation here, or if he's simply addressing the possibility for Bull to lose his standing under the Qun. Either way, Bull's reeducation also offends me on another level beyond the obvious disservice to a dedicated captain. After all, Bull's a brilliant man, with keen insights into human nature, a deep sense of empathy, a superb mind for strategy and subterfuge. The thought of the reeducators rummaging around in that mind, blacking out windows, hacking away memories they don't like, is, to me, on the level of someone spray-painting a Rembrandt. It's grotesque and offensive.

The thought of the reeducators rummaging around in Bull's mind, blacking out windows, hacking away memories they don't like, is, to me, on the level of someone spray-painting a Rembrandt. It's grotesque and offensive.

The Young Protector

If we go back to Bull's childhood tales, one of my favorite little details is that, despite the fact that he was always bigger and stronger, even as a kid, his first impulse was to save and protect other children. He was never a bully; at his core, Bull is always a giver, a protector. And it was something I know his Tama loved and treasured about little Ashkaari, in the days before he became a pawn of spies and liars (and what a gift it is, that Cole can confirm that for him).

Me, I believe the Ben-Hassrath saw, and with very keen eyes, what his Tama had seen: here was someone they could manipulate and twist to their will, as long as he believed he was taking care of those smaller and weaker than himself. So Bull was constantly reminded that the Tal-Vashoth were boogeymen, evil incarnate, terrible savages willing to kill children—acts so terrible Bull sought them out and slaughtered them to the last warrior, with the knowledge that his vengeance was righteous.

The banters in Inquisition give us a sense that Bull both enjoys and loathes his penchant for violence:

SERA: Wait, Bull. All that rot you said about hacking people.
IRON BULL: Yeah?
SERA: You do like it?
IRON BULL: Oh, yes. Finding someone who needs killing and just taking them apart… Brutally, skillfully, so their last living thought is realizing that I’m stronger and smarter than they are? Yeah, I like that a lot.
SERA: That’s weird.
IRON BULL: I didn’t say it was healthy. (pause) Look, I can either press those feelings down until I snap and hurt someone I care about… Or we can go find some bad guys who need to die.
SERA: (Nervously) Right. Bring on the baddies.

And yet, Cole also calls out Bull's true self, his desire not to kill:

IRON BULL: You're a fast little guy, Cole.
COLE: Do you wish you were faster, The Iron Bull?
IRON BULL: Nah. Just as soon stand there and let 'em come to me when they're ready to die.
COLE: Then it's them, not you. You don't want to kill. You want to defend.
IRON BULL: Hey, don't go around saying crap like that. I like killing.
COLE: But you give them a chance. You make them choose. So it's their fault.
IRON BULL: Just... come on, kid. You're making it weird.

But let's go back to that pivotal moment in Seheron—and wonder how much of Bull's memory is real...

It's tragic when you think about it. Bull hands his brilliant mind over to the reeducators and says, "Fix me."

Fact Versus Fiction...

Let's look at the logistics again, of Bull's memory of the fight and aftermath. To me, the school-poisoning just doesn't seem realistic. Remember, the Tal-Vashoth are basically freedom fighters. What they want more than anything else is not, I believe, to murder little kids, but to simply escape.

In addition, there's frustratingly little evidence that these famous "slaughters of children" ever took place. And they don't make any kind of sense at all. If you were Tal-Vashoth, and trying to flee the Qun, would you kill children and noncombatants? Sacrifice the helpless? Ensure that your cause was vilified by all?

AgaIt's not just evil, it's bad PR. To me, there's no way this stuff is real. None.

But this is what the Qunari needs Bull to believe. They need him to be their champion. So they feed him a constant diet of horror stories, knowing his psychology. He is an inveterate pleaser; a compulsive savior. He saves the stolen and avenges the lost. It's who he is.

It's tragic when you think about it. Bull hands his brilliant mind over to the reeducators and says, "Fix me." 

And what I think happens then is that the reeducators do a little mental excavation, a little reconstruction, to both change Bull's memories of what actually occurred while also reinforcing his horror for the Tal-Vashoth and their capabilities.

The closer I look at the crimes Bull is 'avenging,' the more certain I am that most of them occurred in other ways that he no longer recognizes or remembers. By the Qun itself or the Fog Warriors (as collateral damage). Even, in some cases, in setups that may have been designed to inspire and enrage Bull to greater loyalty. After all, let's not forget that he lasted longer in Seheron (exponentially!) than anyone else before him. Eight years longer.

Because he wanted save them. He wanted to save everybody. Because he might be The Iron Bull right now (and Hissrad underneath), but underneath them all is the little boy who just wanted to fight bullies. Ashkaari.

And the Qun used that, twisted it, manipulated that good impulse, honing Bull as a weapon... and as the useful tool he became. Until it was time to weigh that tool... or throw it away.

It's just what happens under the Qun.

Love, Lies and Kisses in the Fade: Solas's Romance, Part 3

I find it enormously telling and important that Solas kisses the Inquisitor not just in the Fade, but in the past... in a place and time that no longer exists. In a subtle way, he's showing her the emotion he lives each and every day.

Solas smiles, as Lavellan looks around, momentarily confused.

SOLAS: Where did you think we were?
INQUISITOR: ...this isn’t real...
SOLAS (teasing): That’s a matter of debate… probably best discussed after you wake up.

Where does Solas's romance truly begin?

With a simple kiss... upon a dream.

The scene where Solas takes the Inquisitor to the Fade is a charming and important moment if the Inquisitor is a high-approval friend of Solas's. But it's an incredibly vital dramatic beat if he's romanced, and it's both telling and interesting that this is where his romantic relationship with the Inquisitor truly begins. I'd say it's a great first date, except for the intriguing clear implication (to me, at least) that Solas takes the Inquisitor to the Fade all the time for in-depth talks and discussions about her fears and hopes, about what is important to her (and in my interpretation, she clearly remembers and acknowledges this in their dialogue as the scene begins). I've talked about this before, so I'll address it in a different way farther down.

Meanwhile, what I suspect (at least, in my imaginary headcanon, which is pretty much always in overdrive, as this blog certainly demonstrates) is that while they may have spent time in the Fade, even if Solas were beginning to have feelings for the Inquisitor, and vice versa, he would still, I think—to that point—have kept them to himself. So those Fade visits might have been important and intimate, but they would not have been openly romantic... until the kiss.

But of course, the kiss is just the inevitable outcome of a linked series of events that conspire to tip Solas off-balance and make him more vulnerable than he's been since his long-past youth.

Crossing Boundaries

If you analyze Solas's behavior across DAI, he's pretty formidable in terms of his ability to compartmentalize, and I'd put that ability right up near the capacity of Bull or Leliana (near, but not quite—Solas isn't an especially good liar). I think, however, that early events in Inquisition nevertheless set him off-balance, and he's therefore never quite able to regain that equilibrium when it comes to both the Inquisitor and the Inquisition (I'd even argue that he's still not 100% even as of "Trespasser," given the lengths he goes to in order to both give her the truth about himself and to save her life).

So let's conjecture and wonder a bit... 

It's certainly implied that Solas has no trouble staying on-mission before the events at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. He's quite able to be cold and dispassionate when operating Felassan as his agent from the Fade, as well as in meting out punishment later. Even upon awakening, wandering Thedas (planting those elven artifacts, by any chance?) in the year or so before the Conclave, he certainly seems to be able to keep his emotions at bay. However, this is also when everything once again seems on-track, and going according to plan.

Then the Temple explodes, the sky is a livid, apocalyptic green, and his Orb is now in the hands of a mad ancient magister who's also half-Darkspawn, and who's using it to do terrible things across Thedas.

And then there's the woman—the one who's suspected, who was Marked by a magical transference from his own artifact, and who has already been mocked, imprisoned and nearly executed. Remember, Solas has joined the Inquisition just days or even hours before he meets the Inquisitor. He knows that he is responsible for the Breach and for her Mark and is, I believe, truly horrified at both. He is also fully aware that the Inquisitor has been captured, imprisoned, and accused for something he had a hand in creating... and he alone knows right away that she is 100% innocent of any of the charges against her. So I think even there, she gets past his boundaries a bit because he feels genuine remorse (as he darned well should). 

And then he begins to feel again, something beyond rage and powerlessness. Allegiance. Indebtedness. Admiration. She handles her impossible situation bravely. She attempts to meet the challenge. She may accept or reject a divine influence. She may question him on dreams, on spirits, and the Fade. He may even be moved enough to allow himself to compliment her on her grace, strength or indomitable focus (words that are, ahem, seared on my brain). And he may admit his own recent bitterness and rejection—which she may counter by sticking up for her people, respectfully asking him to reconsider his anger against the Dalish. She may call him 'hahren,' and try to connect with him in Haven on their shared elvishness, to give him the companionship he so desperately desires and fears after his long loneliness and isolation.

He is cast adrift. He is in danger—not from fire and wrath, but from the possibility of love... and he knows it. 

Solas sees Lavellan more clearly than she sees herself; she's a hero because he's the villain in the story, even if
she doesn't know it yet. 

"What Kind of Hero You'll Be..."

Either way, it's no wonder that he calls her "a hero" in one of their first conversations—because he already knows she is one, and he's judging her through eyes that have watched the passage of millennia, by her reactions to almost impossible circumstances that she herself doesn't even understand. At this point, Solas sees Lavellan more clearly than she sees herself; she's a hero because he's the villain in the story, even if she doesn't know it yet. Solas already knows who he is. He believes, through his own regretted and yet open-eyed choices, that he is doomed. But he also believes that she is not (or at least, not yet). 

Tentatively, he begins to try to connect with her, to help, to spare her the little agonies. To be there—not as a lover, but as a part of her fellowship, in the everyday cameraderie and companionship of war... and in doing so, he dooms himself. A door opens upon his emotions, not just to her, but to all the companions. He starts to care. And when it comes to Lavellan, he feels guilty, vulnerable. He  feels genuine liking. He feels respect and admiration, and perhaps more than that. 

In other words, he feels. It is Lavellan's first gift to him; one of which she is not even aware.

Whether he's romancing the Inquisitor or not (but especially if he is), Solas begins to feel an obligation to her, that he owes her something. He can't take back the Mark. He can't give her the truth, but there are things he can provide... a castle (a new home)... and a respite.

So he takes her into a dream. It's safe. It's lovely and ephemeral. It's not those seeping, frightening corners of the Fade we encounter physically either in the prologue or after the siege at Adamant. This is Solas, after all, and this is his kingdom. So instead, he takes her to a Fade location that he can build for her wall by shining wall, down to the smallest soothing molecule. An escape to the past, to where she once briefly felt at home.

Conversations in the Fade

To me, Solas taking Lavellan to the Fade is a really lovely and irresistible idea—Solas is a man who has reshaped the very warp and woof of the physical world with his power. Still, that's nothing compared to what he can do in the Fade.

And yet what does he do when he takes Lavellan to the Fade, when he can take her almost anywhere imaginable in the swirling mists of time and space? Does he take her to those intoxicating ancient days of his youth, to glory in the heights of power, enchantment and knowledge? Does she travel with him to visit those twining spires of crystal, to witness the shimmer of magic as breathable and accessible as air in the splendor of lost Arlathan?

Nope. 

He takes her instead to something simple, homely and devastating, to bright regret and loss... but in a way that's quiet and healing. He takes her back, in other words, to just a few weeks prior, to a place that has been wiped out of existence, and shows her just how much your heart can break when the home you loved now exists in memory alone. 

Solas knows this emotion well. He's lived it for millennia at this point, after all.

Going Home

To me, it's bittersweet to realize that what Solas does here is exactly what he does in his final excursion with Lavellan later on in their story at a crucial juncture: He takes her to a place where he can quite literally show her what she means to him.

Then, once within the perfection of his magically recreated Haven, Solas relives their relationship from its earliest moments for her, narrating in parallel storylines, with Lavellan as witness and shared participant, her story—and his. He tells her of his emotions and concerns for what the Inquisitor suffered (and manages not to make it All About Him), as well as revealing what he himself was also feeling for her at the same time. He reveals his frustration and confusion, that he was worried for her, that, even then... he felt something. That she had already become special to him. That she had, in fact, changed his world. 

Sometimes words are not enough. And this seems to be a theme with Solas. Despite his obvious eloquence and poetry, and despite his intelligence, I believe he sometimes dislikes words in moments that matter. Perhaps because he has had to lie so often since he awakened in this world. I think this is why, over and over again, he attempts to demonstrate his feelings at key moments in other ways — with a kiss or physical gesture, with a painting on a wall, with a revealing bit of magic, with the removal of the vallaslin. He has lied enough, been poisoned by them irrevocably. All he wants now is something real.

So of course he has to stage that moment in a place that is unreal. That's Solas. He's never one to do things the easy way.

Lavellan is a firefly when you compare her brief life to Solas's many millennia, but she is also bright, brave, and (the biggest relief of all) something genuinely new to Solas. It's no wonder, then, that he finally gives in to his feelings.

A Kiss in the Past

Meanwhile, here we are where it all begins.

And it's interesting, isn't it, that Solas kisses the Inquisitor in the past? In a place that no longer exists? It's a beautiful way for him to subtly reveal the secret of his own situation, his own conflict. He takes her back to a place she loved, to a place that is now obliterated, and he walks there with her as if to salute the fact that even if it no longer exists, he knows that she will always love it.

And although Lavellan doesn't know it at the time, of course, Solas is revealing something about himself, as well—showing her what he himself is literally feeling all the time. The constant regret and nostalgia. The longing for what has been lost.

It's a beautiful and subtle revelation. It is also a gift that, due to Solas's unique powers and circumstances, no one else could give her.

And I really think this is meant to be the whole gift he wants to give Lavellan here—that glimpse of brightness and mourning. He's not dreaming of kisses. 

But hey, dreams are where all things are permissible, after all. And despite thousands of years of life, he doesn't anticipate what Lavellan does next. 

Whoops. You go, girl.

The Lead-Up

And so there are the little moments of banter, of teasing, as Solas and the Inquisitor walk through this shiny new Haven. It's all really charming, as is the flirtation of a confident Lavellan with a suddenly awkward, uncertain Solas.

By the way, I absolutely love the way this scene is presented—especially the physicality of Solas and his discomfort and slight nervousness in the presence of Lavellan's ease and relaxed charm. For instance, when Solas turns away in sudden awkwardness here, he does so stiffly, with his whole body, as if his head doesn't move on his neck, and it's absolutely this thing someone would do in real life if uncomfortable and trying really hard to cover for that. Just so real and funny and beautifully rendered (he does it again later on, after "I never said it was a good plan"). Nothing to see here, everything's fine. As if he can't remember how to move naturally—kudos to the BioWare team. And then there's Gareth David-Lloyd's sneaky-funny vocal performance here—especially the way he laughs when the Inquisitor notes that "Cassandra's like that with everyone"—he gives this weird little awkward "Ha," like a bark! 

Anyway, awkward or not, the moment arrives, and they kiss... and it's great, and just beautifully directed and rendered by the team who brought it to life. And kudos to Solas (and to the Dragon Age team that created him) on the fact that he doesn't make the first move, which is respectful and ensures that there aren't any consent issues. He's the one, after all, who understands that this is all taking place in a dream. So I really like that it is Lavellan who acts first with the kiss.

The kiss itself comes across as being emotional and cinematic, in the best way. It's also genuinely hot (for me Solas's are easily the best kisses in the game, although Dorian's are a solid second)—especially since Solas finds himself unable to resist turning back to prolong the kiss, not once, but twice (after the original smooch). It's such a terrific externalization of his inner self, of who I think Solas actually is—not just because he's a fiery and passionate person beneath that cool exterior, but also because he genuinely loses control here, in desperation, in desire, in loneliness, and well, because it's allowable.

It's the Fade, after all.

Vulnerability is permissible in the Fade, where Solas can explore passions he may not be able to admit to in waking life.

"Not Even Here..."

Solas then says something fascinating in this scene, once the kiss is broken, and I think it's something that may tend to be overlooked. Let's take a look at the scene, below:

INQUISITOR (flirting like crazy): Felt the whole world change?
SOLAS (adorably awkward): A figure of speech.
INQUISITOR: I’m aware of the metaphor. I’m more interested in “felt.”
SOLAS: You change… everything.
INQUISITOR: Sweet talker.

She kisses him. He allows it, then steps back... and then returns to the kiss. And again. Then at last, with an effort, he stops the kiss a final time, and pulls away.

SOLAS: We shouldn’t. It isn’t right. Not even here.
INQUISITOR: What do you mean... "even here?"

Let's examine that odd little comment: "We shouldn't. It isn't right. Not even here."

The details are telling. To me, it's the opposite of what's expected—not "We shouldn't. It isn't right. Not here," but rather, "We shouldn't. It isn't right. Not even here."

The implication that's so fascinating, in other words, is that he's not saying it's wrong to kiss in a dream; he's saying the dream may be the only place it's actually allowable. Solas has just revealed that the Fade is where this kind of moment is actually okay with him (even if nowhere else). The Fade is, in other words, where vulnerability is permissible, where he can explore passions he may not be able to admit to in waking life.

And where he doesn't have to admit that he is playing an incredibly dangerous and hurtful game. It's the Fade, right? His place. His safe place.

And yet, he allows that it may not actually be a safe place for the Inquisitor. And that's intriguing.

Echoes of Felassan

If you've read The Masked Empire, the superb Dragon Age novel by Patrick Weekes about Briala, Celene, Gaspard, and Michel, then you've already met Felassan, who is one of my favorite characters across the entire world of Dragon Age.

Named for the 'slow arrow' from the brutal Dalish legend of Fen'Harel, Felassan is the mysterious and powerful elemental Dalish mage apostate who wanders the world and seems to belong to no clan, and who serves as Briala's friend and protector through the years even as he also secretly serves Fen'Harel in his dreams. Felassan is smart, charming and witty, and his humor can be as ruthless as his magic. Like Solas, Felassan begins by holding himself apart from the events around him, watching from the shadows, quick to amusement and yet carrying nevertheless an air of hidden power and detachment.

But in the end, Felassan succumbs to the beauty of the world, and to his respect and affection for his friend and student, gently refusing the gift of the eluvian access even when she offers it to him outright. As a Dreamer, he enters the Fade via a trance to lie about the situation with the password to his leader (whom we now know to be Fen'Harel... Solas). As the story ends, he begs the unknown leader to give the elven people their chance... and to no avail. The blow falls and he is killed. (Years later, Cole tells us in "Trespasser" that Solas regretted this action ("The Slow Arrow breaks in the sad Wolf's jaws.")

Yet while Felassan may be dead, his words live on, and they are echoed subtly more than once throughout DAI. Solas hears them when he kisses the Inquisitor. When he sees the goodness and beauty even in the muffled, maddening demon-haunted world in which he has found himself. When he realizes that the people are... "courageous" in their fight to survive. Cole sees it happening, and confides in the Inquisitor, after Solas has so cruelly and abruptly ended their relationship, "You're real, and it means everyone could be real," referencing once again the idea that Solas has fought for so long... the idea that this world is happening, is real, is full of light and life that will be destroyed, or at least forever changed, if Solas completes his plans.

Felassan was right. But Felassan can't be right. Or everything Solas is doing is monstrous.

Lavellan's just a girl. Standing on the desk of a boy. Asking him to love her.

"Yes, but They're People..."

For instance, there's another prickly little flirtation that I love, early on, where Solas and the Inquisitor talk about whether spirits are people. Again hearkening back to Felassan, the subtext of the conversation is wonderfully complex because, remember, we're first off listening to a man who may once have been a spirit himself, and because this man, still traumatized by the pain and sudden awareness that he doomed his own people, does not, actually, quite see the Inquisitor as a person herself, either. In other words, she may not quite believe that spirits are sentient beings worthy of respect, and Solas, we learn later, feels the exact same way about the companions around him, at least in the earliest days:

INQUISITOR: You trust these spirits not to possess you the first time you accidentally make a wish?
SOLAS: Do you trust your friends not to turn on you?
INQUISITOR: Well, yes, but they’re people.
SOLAS: Ah. Of course.
INQUISITOR: You know what I mean.
SOLAS: Are people only 'people' because they are flesh and blood?

Funny that Solas is speaking a lesson above that he himself has not really learned in a real or visceral way. Here, he's still just parroting words loftily from on high. But Felassan casts a long shadow, and it falls across the entire romance between Solas and the Inquisitor he comes to love—as it should. Felassan is the memory he cannot escape; another regret at the end of a very long list of them. He's ultimately both the echo of who Solas once was, and the presentiment of the person he will become as the world seduces him in spite of himself.

And yet unlike Felassan, it appears that Solas will not give them their chance. Not even when he realizes how wrong he was, and that yes, she's real, the world is real, everything he's planning to do will hurt or irrevocably change them, and there is no way out for him, and no one to whom he can speak about his predicament. Solas allows himself to dream as long as he can, and then he must awaken, losing himself in the kisses and moments, hoarding them like gems, because he knows they will have to end and that he will be left alone with only a memory.

It's what always happens to Solas, after all. There's fire and blood and chaos, he tries to do what he feels is right, the world falls down, and Solas is alone. It's the way of his world. Always.

And it's the only way the words of his friend can come back and haunt him with a vengeance. Solas did not understand the words before. Yet as the events of DAI wind down, oh, how well he comes to understand them. And they are bitter on his tongue.

Solas is utterly, fatally lonely—and that loneliness is beautifully externalized even in his surroundings.

The Lonely God

While each of our Dragon Age: Inquisition companions embodies diverse and fascinating character traits, the one thing I always associate with Solas is isolation, and of course, it's even hidden within his name itself.

As a character, Solas is so utterly, deeply lonely that it's almost a physically palpable thing—and that loneliness is beautifully externalized in both his surroundings, his character design, and even in his physical movement and expressions in the story's scenes and cutscenes. He is always, always alone, and in the lovely, lonely golden glow of his Rotunda, Solas is a figure that glows pale against the tower room's shadows and frescoes as he paints, works or paces in thought. As if he is already a ghost.

This is where we most often encounter Solas throughout the game story, but one of the cleverest things Dragon Age: Inquisition accomplishes is that our romance (or friendship) with Solas actually pulls him out of this space and into other areas of both Skyhold and Thedas. If you don't befriend Solas, unless it's for mission purposes, he almost never leaves his Rotunda (and it's even more true if you do not do Cole's loyalty mission, either).

It takes the Inquisitor, and his high regard or love for her, to coax him out of his self-created prison.

Visits to the Fade

Now let's go back to the moment I began with, and that I think is so vital to his romance.

We're back with Solas, in a Haven that no longer exists, so that he can share our story with us from a new angle, and because he understands perhaps better than anyone else that we're still quietly in mourning for what was lost there. "Haven is familiar; it will always be important to you," he notes, even as the Inquisitor answers, in slight confusion and irritation, "We talked about that already."

Have we, though? We didn't see it. We've never once heard even an echo of this idea from the Inquisitor, to Solas or to anyone. So the implication is clear to me that (as I explored a little bit previously here) not only has Solas talked to the Inquisitor in the Fade before, but that they have, as I implied earlier, spoken about the things that matter to her. What she loves, what she fears, and even perhaps how she was traumatized by the loss of Haven, and I really love how economically and subtly this is conveyed. It's one small, single comment from the Inquisitor, but it provides the potential for added richness and story immersion for those who seek it. And that's so much fun!

But there's more to it. Look at it from a character standpoint—Solas has brought the woman he loves to the one place he adores above all others. It's not an accident. He's sharing something truly private with her here, but he's also giving her strength and affirmation, a gift of approbation and acknowledgment. The entire story he tells her in Haven, after all, can be distilled down to, "You are brave. A survivor. You are unique... and I care what happens to you."

Even in his safe place, his kingdom of the Fade, Solas can only lie to himself for so long. At some point, he must awaken.

Myths, Signs and Symbols

That's why, for me, this scene in the Fade at Haven with Solas is especially important, and for reasons that go beyond the kiss, as delightful as that moment is. I actually think it's one of the most important sequences in the entire game story, for those truly want to know who Solas is. As with the final devastating scene in Crestwood (which bookends this one), this scene, too, is about Solas giving a hidden gift to the Inquisitor—the gift of truth—so every moment within is rich with a certain degree of subtext and symbolism.

Let's revisit with them. He walks her through Haven in the snow, on a beautiful winter's day, in the soft and gentle touch of snowflakes. Around them is the brilliance of the little village at its height, framed by the bright and bravely waving pennants.

He has given her back Haven, here. But he also wants to show her who he is, and the cage in which he himself is trapped. So when she pauses, briefly and tentatively as they arrive, he walks faster and leads her where he wants to go. And then in the darkness he says what he brought her there to say.

SOLAS: I sat beside you while you slept, studying the Anchor.
INQUISITOR (among the options): How long can it take to look at a mark on my hand?
SOLAS: A magical mark of unknown origin, tied to a unique breach in the Veil? Longer than you might think.

He pauses, remembering.

SOLAS: I ran every test I could imagine—searched the Fade, yet found nothing. Cassandra suspected duplicity. She threatened to have me executed as an apostate if I didn’t produce results.
INQUISITOR (among the options): Cassandra’s like that with everyone.
SOLAS: Ha. Yes. 

He laughs briefly, then turns away from her again.

SOLAS: You were never going to wake up. How could you? A mortal, sent physically through the Fade? I was frustrated, frightened. The spirits I might have consulted had been driven away by the Breach. Although I wished to help, I had no faith in Cassandra… or she in me. I was ready to flee.
INQUISITOR (among the options): The Breach threatened the whole world. Where did you plan to go?
SOLAS: Someplace far away, where I might research a way to repair the Breach before its effects reached me. 

He glances at her, then chuckles slightly.

SOLAS: I never said it was a good plan.

He turns away from her (once again in that wonderful, odd whole-body Solas-way), looking back to the Breach, still visible in the sky in this moment at Haven.

SOLAS: I told myself: One more attempt to seal the rifts! I tried, and failed. No ordinary magic would affect them. I watched the rifts expand and grow, resigned myself to flee, and then... 

A flash to the moment when Solas held the Inquisitor's hand skyward to seal the rift.

SOLAS: It seems you hold the key to our salvation.

What he doesn't say, and leaves unspoken, hanging in the air like old incense and prayers? Is the fact that she also holds the key to his.

And Solas says this as if it is the culmination of the story; as if it is the culmination of his story. And then of course there's the flirtage and smoochies I described earlier. 

But as lovely as all of that is, there's more to this dialogue than mere flirtation. The entire sequence is full of revelation and nuance, on levels that are both symbolic as well as mythological, with Solas retracing his steps as he leads Lavellan down into the grim, dark dungeons (the "Underworld") where he admits his uncertainty and fear to her in the shadows for the first time, before they return to light and life, and to the white brilliance of the winter day. 

The Hidden Gift

It's a striking and even amusing scene, as when he talks about Cassandra's threats and the Inquisitor may respond humorously that "[she's] like that with everyone" (an answer option I absolutely have to take every time, because come on, it's SO CASSANDRA). But what's most noteworthy of all here is the way that Solas is willing to reveal his own insecurity and fear, his doubt and weakness, in ways that are rare and even uncharacteristic for him in daily life. And yet he does so, because the scene has (I believe) been crafted by Weekes so that Solas is attempting, however awkwardly, to give Lavellan something—something real and honest, even if she doesn't understand it at the time. Every word he says to her in this exchange is therefore carefully chosen as the genuine truth—truth that is, for him (living a daily lie and hating it) the highest and best gift he can give her. 

But of course, he's not just telling her the story there, is he? There's somebody else he's talking to in this sequence, as there is throughout several moments in their early romance: himself.

The conversations between Solas and the Inquisitor feature some of the most beautiful and complex dialogue across the Dragon Age story, not only because both are eloquent and share the connection of heritage and loss. Their conversations are rich and evocative, in addition, because that poetry is what she brings out in him... but that's not everything. There's also the fact that Solas is not just talking to the Inquisitor, he is rationalizing to himself the inevitability of his own actions and feelings (and, given his plan for the Veil, it's safe to say that Solas is a master at rationalization)—even while already dreading the inevitable aftermath.

Because what Solas touches, dies. And what he saves, he inadvertently destroys.

He must not do this. And yet he does.

This is why the hidden poetry and syntax of sex, love and grief that Weekes weaves into the dialogue, with its lyrical touch of Leonard Cohen, is so important. Solas is the only person I can think of who could fall in love with a woman and mourn her loss at the exact same time. It's as if the entire romance is being experienced by him, in some terrible and quiet way, from a future in which everything has already been lost, and he is once again alone, and grieving.

I've talked about the fact that Solas isn't a consistently great liar, but that's not always true: He's superb, after all, at lying to himself. Which is why, in his relationship with the Inquisitor, Solas is able to convince himself for a short span of months that he can live a normal life, that he can allow himself passion, desire and love for a woman whose life is, in comparison to his, as brief and bright and fragile as a firefly's. A woman who would, by his own admission, be doomed anyway by her own mortality, even if she weren't destroyed by his secret plans and obligations (as she almost certainly will be). If of course he allowed that to happen. 

But—as "Trespasser" shows us later on—Solas is not one to allow the course of natural events to get in his way. It's something both to admire and to fear.

But none of that has to matter. Not now, at least—not now, not here, and not yet. They're in the Fade, and everything is safe, and sweet, and permissible. For now, it's all just part of the dream.

As long as he doesn't wake up.